Take Me
by AoifeRose
Summary: Amanda has some secrets, Olivia helps her deal with them and juggles life with a new baby as well. Together they learn each others weaknesses and strengths and somewhere along the way they realise they can be each others strength... and weakness!
1. Chapter 1

**Set somewhere post Season 15 – so if you haven't seen it yet I advise not reading this! Up to you. As always they're not mine, they belong to Dick and NBC I just borrow them to play with. **

"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out". The man that Detective Benson was shouting at had left 10 seconds earlier so he couldn't hear her insult.

Amanda turned to look at corridor where Olivia was standing hands gripping the sill of the viewing window into the interrogation room. The dark haired detective was visibly annoyed and she was just short of punching the closest thing to her when the blonde detective approached.

"Olivia?"  
The detective turned to look at her, her eyes dark her face stony.

"What?" she snapped  
Amanda held her hands up in resignation

"Sorry, nothing". Amanda turned to leave but she heard a muttered "Sorry" Turning around she saw Olivia with her hands in her hair, her fingers digging into her scalp.

"Ripping out your hair is not going to solve whatever just happened Sarge"

Olivia removed her hands from her hair and placed them back on the sill.

"That guy is guilty as hell but we can't pin a dam thing on him. He's like Teflon"

Amanda was familiar with the case Olivia and Nick were working on and she knew that the guy who was accused of two cases of attempted rape had a watertight alibi and a legal team that was probably paid in gold bars. She also knew that Nick and Olivia were convinced he was guilty as sin.

"He's going to slip up eventually Liv. We'll get him"

"Before he terrorises another woman? Scars her for life?"

Amanda lowered her gaze to the floor. She knew Olivia needed to vent so she was going to let her.

"No" Amanda said quietly. "I wish, but no probably not"

Olivia sighed and turned to lean her back against the wall.

"I'm sorry Rollins. It's just all getting to me lately."

"The lack of sleep probably isn't helping. Teeth?"

Olivia smiled. Even an indirect reference to Noah made her relax perceptibly.

She chuckled "No tummy bug. Sorry for snapping"

"It's ok. My first partner in Atlanta came back 4 months after having her second because she needed the money. She lived on caffeine drinks and chocolate for a year. I felt like I co-parented that baby I heard so much about teething and diaper rash"

"Sounds like you're a bit of an expert"

"I wouldn't say that. But I can give you a good run through of cures for colic, teething aides and diaper rash creams that don't work"  
"Sounds pretty much like what my world revolves around right now"

"Are you getting any sleep?"  
"Not really. He likes to sleep when I'm awake. And the he seems to have an internal alarm that goes off the minute I start to doze that orders him to start crying until I wake up"

"He's just settling Liv. You'll get there"

Olivia sighed and nodded. "You're right. Sorry again for snapping."

"It's ok. Listen do you want a few hours off?"  
Olivia glanced sideways looking at her as if Amanda had lost her mind.

"I don't think he's up to feeding himself just yet – though he does a good job of throwing the food at you – it just never goes in his mouth. Plus I don't think he'd manage the stairs if there was a fire"

Amanda glared at her and said in a sarcasm laden tone "Fine, you enjoy the sleep deprivation Seargent"

Olivia had realised however that just having this conversation was making her tired so she inquired, "How do you propose these few hours off would work?"

"I could take him to mine but I don't have a crib or a steriliser or anything. So I can come to yours tomorrow mid morning and you can go shopping or sleep or shower or do whatever you want to do for a few hours"

Olivia looked at her as if she was offering her an organ; "You're serious?"  
"Of course I'm serious. I don't make a habit of messing with sleep deprived first time Mom's"

Olivia's sudden movement to embrace Amada took her off guard. The strength of the hug almost broke her ribs.

Olivia let go but the smile was still plastered on her face.

"Thank You"

Amanda smiled as she squeezed Olivia's arm. "It's no problem. Text me when he wakes in the morning and after he's had his first feed"

"Ok his first morning feed is normally about 3 a.m."  
Amanda glared again "If you text me at 3 a.m. I'll never offer again"  
"I'll text you around 9?" Olivia said straight away.

Amanda nodded and smiled "I'm leaving soon. Are you heading out?"  
"No I've another hour of paperwork to do"

"Ok I'll see you in the morning"  
"See you in the morning"

Amanda smiled broadly as she walked towards her desk. She was glad she could do Olivia a favour. Things had been strained between them even after Murphy took over as Captain but they are slowly getting back to normal. She was happy she could help. She was also happy for another reason… a reason she couldn't quite understand.

Grabbing her bag she gave Olivia a small wave as she headed out of the squad room.

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Balancing a blanket on one shoulder a bottle in one hand and Noah on her hip it took Olivia a minute to answer the door. When she finally did Amanda was standing there her blonde hair tied up, wearing black track bottoms and a purple t-shirt, two cups of coffee in a holder in one hand and a teddy bear in the other.

She smiled at Noah first who played shy and nudged his head into Olivia's neck.

Then she smiled at his Mum who was half dressed, in a t-shirt but still with pyjama shorts on, her hair messy, her face tired.

"Long night?"  
Olivia nodded as she walked towards the sitting room putting Noah in his playpen. She took the coffee from Amanda and made her way into the kitchen. The little boy started to fuss but Amanda waved the teddy bear in front of him doing funny voices and he settled.

"How in the hell did you do that?"  
Amanda glanced up at the brunette who looked completely dumbfounded.

"What?"  
"He's been crying since 6 a.m. And a teddy bear stops him in 30 seconds"

Amanda put her hand in her pocket and pulled out an envelope handing it to Olivia.

"What's this?"  
"Something better than a teddy bear"  
Olivia smiled as she pulled a voucher out of the envelope. It was for a local salon for a massage and a manicure.

"I booked you in for 10 provisionally. I know you can't exactly set your watch by a little person. They said they can change the treatments if you want"

Olivia felt a small swell of emotion in her chest almost as if she was going to cry but she swallowed it down instead taking Amanda's hand and squeezing it, kissing her on the cheek.

"Amanda, this is too much"

"No it's not. I know what it's like to have someone wholly dependent on you Liv. I get it. I spent most of my adult life having someone rely on me. Kim wasn't a baby but at times she came pretty close. So I know how impossible it is to get time to be on your own and relax"

Olivia was still holding the blondes hand and the connection was nice. She was reluctant to let go but she heard Noah begin to fuss again.

Before she could move however Amanda interrupted "I can get him. It's ok. We need to get to know each other if we're going to spend the day together"

"I'll be back in a few hours. I wouldn't leave you here all day"

"I take it he has a stroller?"

Olivia pointed to the closet opposite the kitchen – "in there"

"Right then when you come home we'll go for a stroll, maybe visit the park, stop off at Aunty Amanda's so you can have a rest".

"Aunty Amanda?"  
Amanda blushed "Sorry. Vic's lil one Katie used to call me that"  
"I like it" Olivia smiled as she walked out of the kitchen. Walking towards the bedroom she shouted back "I'm going to finish getting dressed, maybe take 5 minutes to do it instead of 1.

Amanda laughed as Noah started to gurgle in his playpen – holding his arms up to be picked up. She figured they might as well start their getting to know each other exercise.

"Hey little man"

Noah looked cautiously at the strange woman picking him up. Sitting on the sofa she placed the little boy on her lap holding his hands as he held himself up. He began to whimper as she clapped his hands together and then cry after a minute so it was time to change track. Picking Noah up she brought him forward to lie on her chest, his head resting on her shoulder.

Katie had something about heartbeats she remembered. Vic told her that resting her on her chest helped her settle when she was teething.

The little boy began to settle and his eyes began to flutter shut as she rubbed his back gently.

Olivia emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later to ask if her clothes looked presentable but she was met with a "Ssshh" from Amanda.

Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of her son asleep on the blonde's chest; his head lulled to the right his thumb in his mouth.

She walked over to the two and kissed Noah gently on the forehead careful not to disturb him. She almost leaned up to kiss Amanda and just as quickly pulled away the shock almost causing her to trip over the bouncy chair.

Quietly she waved goodbye and received a smile and small wave in return.

Closing the door gently as she could she walked towards the elevator feeling like she was missing something without the array of equipment she required to bring Noah out. She was missing something else as well but her brain was refusing to go there, couldn't go there. She was too tired to even think about what nearly happened.

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Olivia returned 2 hours later and she could hear the TV on and two very distinct laughs as she walked into the apartment.

Amanda was sitting on Noah's play-mat with him tickling him. He was laughing that beautiful innocent laugh Olivia loved and Amanda was laughing with him.

They looked like mother and son. Olivia shook the thought from her mind as she cleared her throat. Neither Amanda nor Noah had noticed she was back.

"Hi"

"Oh hey, sorry we were having a tickling competition. He was winning"

Olivia laughed as she sat on the nearby armchair.

"Looks like he's having way too much fun to be winning"

"We're sharing equally in the enjoyment. You look relaxed"  
"I haven't felt this good in… it's been a long time. I love him don't get me wrong. I'm just so tired"

"Course you are. Babies don't come with a health warning but they should"

Noah had taken a fancy to the strings on Amanda's track bottoms and was playing with them.

"But they're worth it" Noah squealed in joy as Amanda started to blow raspberries on his tummy.

"You seem like a real natural at this"

Amanda lifted her head and looked over at Olivia a sadness clouding her eyes. Olivia was instantly concerned and Amanda looked back towards the small baby who was gurgling at her.

"There are 5 people who know what I'm about to tell you and I don't know why, but since you took this lil' man on I've felt a need to say this. So just bare with me a minute"

Olivia simply sat still afraid if she moved she scared the blonde out of the trance she appeared to be in.

"17 years ago I had one of these – she nodded towards Noah"

Olivia gasped quietly her attention riveted on the other detective who seemed to shrink visibly as she spoke.

"I told you a little white lie, sorry. Kim was like a dependent when I was growing up. But when I was 13 I got in with a bad crowd and I ended up pregnant. I was 14 when he was born. His name was Louis" A small tear escaped but Amanda continued to talk as she focused on Noah.

"I was adamant I was keeping him. My parents, the neighbours, school; they all said I couldn't. He stayed with us for 2 months because there weren't many people out there who wanted a baby born out of wedlock to a teen mother. I nursed him, changed him, bathed him and slept with his bassinet by my bed. But one day when I was out without him, the first time I left the house since he was born, my parents had arranged for a couple, I couldn't tell you where from, I never found out, to come and take him. When I got home…"

The tears were falling freely now and Olivia's heart broke as she looked at the other woman looking at her son with such love knowing what she'd lost.

Kneeling on the floor she gathered the smaller woman into her arms and held her. She couldn't say anything, didn't know what to say. Rather she just held her and hoped it offered some comfort.

Eventually Noah's protests that it was time for a feed caused Olivia to loosen the embrace but she kept her arm around Amanda's shoulder.

"Jesus I'm so sorry Amanda that must have been, well I can't imagine"

"You kind of can Liv, I know about Caleb, Fin told me a while back"

"Yeah but I wasn't a kid, and he wasn't mine. I mean he was in a way. But you gave birth. You must have been to hell and back"  
"Not sure I ever came back fully to be honest. It was part of why I left the minute I could"

"I'm not surprised"

Noah interrupted them again this time with a louder cry.

"Ok, ok, I get it bubba, you want feeding"

Amanda smiled as she rubbed his belly soothing some of his tears.

"I'm sorry I need to…"

"Don't be daft. He needs feeding. You want me to sort his bottle?"  
"No I'll do it, if you can stay here?" Olivia almost felt like it was too much to ask given the recent revelation but Amanda's simple answer of "of course" made her realise that it wasn't an imposition for Amanda to care for the tiny human she was smiling at.

"I'll be back in 2 minutes"

"We survived 2 hours Liv we're good"  
Olivia returned the sad smile Amanda gave her and made her way to the kitchen.

Amanda picked Noah up and put him on her hip turning gently as he lay into her resting his head on her shoulder"  
"You truly are a lucky little man Noah"

She was swaying gently to ease the little sobs that escaped now and then.

"I know baby your Mummy will be back soon. Just hang on"

Olivia appeared with a small bowl and a bottle a few minutes later.

"I'm trying to get him to eat some mushy food too, see how far we get"

Amanda handed the squirming mass over to his Mum and she put him in his high chair. The bowl of mushy food didn't look too appetising and Noah was apparently of the same opinion as Olivia tried in vain to get him to take a small taste.

Amanda laughed behind her "I think you're fighting a losing battle"  
"I think you're right"

Taking him from his high chair she moved to the armchair and put a towel on her shoulder as she began to feed him his bottle.  
"Amanda I'm really sorry. If I'd known I'd never have asked you"  
"You didn't ask Liv. I offered remember?"  
"But…"  
"Liv I offered. I wanted to get to know him. He's a beautiful little boy and he's lucky to have you"  
Olivia stood and moved to the couch beside Amanda Noah suckling happily on his bottle.

"Well now he has an Aunty too so I'd say he's doubly as lucky"  
Amanda reached out and tickled the small sock clad foot causing him to smile.

"I just hope wherever he is, he was as lucky as this little man"

Olivia's heart broke again as she listened to the sadness in that normally strong confident voice.

"Well he had a really good start in life and really good genes so I'm sure wherever he is he's doing good"

Amanda uttered a quiet "I hope so" and then remembered the objective of the day.

"I'll finish this, you go and get some rest"  
"It's fine"  
"No come on, hand the little troublemaker over"

Olivia hesitantly handed Noah over and placed the burping cloth on Amanda's shoulder.

"He's unlikely to throw up on you but you just never know"  
Amanda gave a small laugh "No we had a chat earlier. He promised not to pee or puke on me and I promised I'd take him to feed the ducks"

"You don't have to Amanda, 2 hours off has done me the world of good"

"You're going to have to stop telling me what to do Detective. I'm ok – scouts honour. Now go and do what you feel like doing and I'm going to grab his coat and shoes and we're heading to Central Park for a stroll then maybe we'll stop for a pizza on the way back – for me not him"

"Mmm pizza"

Amanda spoke to the contented little boy "I think Mummy is hinting at something there Noah. Shall we bring the pizza back?"  
"You don't…" Olivia stopped herself mid sentence and instead planned her afternoon. "I'm going to go for a shower now before I tell you what to do again. Then I'm going to sleep for a bit, maybe read the book I started 6 months ago"

"Sounds fantastic. We'll be gone for a few hours. I'll bring the pizza back with me. I'll text you when we're on our way back. Sound ok?"  
"Sounds like heaven. Thank You. I owe you"  
"You owe me nothing Liv. I'm enjoying helping out. In fact I should have done it sooner. It wasn't as if Nick or Fin was going to offer. Nick has his hands full and Fin doesn't know which end of one of these is up"  
"That is very true, but still thank you"

Olivia stood and retrieved his stroller and jacket from the closet along with his diaper bag and grabbed the trainers Fin had bought him from the bedroom.

Making sure he was wrapped up warm Olivia lifted him off Amanda's lap and put him in his stroller.

Amanda grabbed her phone and keys and threw them into the hood of the stroller.

"Don't wait up we'll be a bit"  
Olivia smiled as she leaned in to kiss Noah on the head.

"Have fun you two"

"We will"

Making her way to the door Amanda looked over her shoulder and left instructions for Olivia to "have a shower, get some rest" and enjoy her book.

"I will"

Amanda manoeuvred out of apartment and into the hall trying not to think about the image that flashed into her head briefly of Olivia in the shower.

"Let's go bubs before I have very unclean thoughts about your clean Mummy"

Noah laughed as if he knew what Aunty Amanda was saying.

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**A/N: This was going to be a one shot but I kind of wanted to build on it so stay with me – hopefully it'll be worth it ;) As always please let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions – they're always welcome. **


	2. Chapter 2

Three hours later Amanda stood outside the door to the apartment annoyed that she'd forgotten to ask for a key before she left. The thought never occurred to her as she hurried out earlier. Now she had to ring Olivia to wake her and it was the last thing she wanted to do. But if she wanted to eat the piazza while it was hot then it was the only way.

Olivia opened the door slightly bleary eyed her hair mussed. Amanda smiled and resisted the urge to reach out and fix her hair.

"Sorry I had to ring you"  
"No, I'm sorry I didn't give you a key. I just never thought"

Taking the bag and box from Amanda she walked into the apartment so Amanda could manoeuvre the stroller through the door.

"I could eat this through the bag I'm so hungry"

"Sorry what?"

Olivia laughed as she looked into the living room where Amanda was trying to extricate Noah from his pushchair. The hood of her jacket had fallen over her ears and little hands were pulling on it effectively pulling her into the stroller.

Olivia decided help was required. Reaching in to the side she managed to get one of Noah's hands removed so Amanda had some leverage to pull herself back and free of the other little hand.

Pushing her hood off Amanda removed her jacket so Noah couldn't have another go at smothering her. Olivia had managed to extricate him in the meantime.

"How did we manage to live so long without all those safety straps and contraptions those things have now?" she said, gesturing to the stroller.  
"We learned quicker what hurt I guess"

"Yeah now you mention it I remember falling out a stroller Kim was pushing me around in when I was about 6. It was an old thing lying around the house. There was nothing to strap you in, either it'd broken off or there never was anything there. I fell out of it when she hit a curb. Never got back in it again"

"I suppose when they're a little bit smaller we want to look after them too"

Amanda nodded towards the kitchen "I'll sort the food, you have some quality time with him. It's been a whole 5 hours; you probably have a lot to talk about.

They both laughed as Olivia sat on the couch and began to talk to her son hoping the grown up would fill in the gaps.

"So where did you and Aunty Amanda go today buddy?"  
"We made it as far as Central Park" Amanda answered from the kitchen.

"And did you feed the ducks?"  
"Yes Mommy we did"

"Noah you learned to talk"

Olivia heard Amanda walking into the living room laughing pizza in hand.

"I couldn't find glasses, you ok to drink from the bottle?"  
"Yeah of course. Sit down you must be wrecked"

Amanda put the pizza on the table and placed two slices on each plate.

"Em…" she turned to look at Olivia who had a small human attached to her chest "Why do I have a vision of me needing to feed this to you?"  
Olivia looked at the pizza longingly and then down at her son.

He was starting to doze even though he'd slept for a bit when he was with Amanda.

"If I do this very slowly," she said quietly as she began to stand up "he might, just might stay dozy". When she was upright Noah shifted slightly in her arms but only to resettle his head. Letting out a relieved sigh Olivia walked towards the bedroom and placed him in his crib standing there for a minute to make sure he was settled before returning to the living room.

Grabbing the plate she collapsed on the sofa beside Amanda and sighed "There's usually an international incident when I try that move. You must have worn him out"

"Fresh air is good for that alright. God I sound like my mother"

"They say we turn into them eventually"  
"God I hope not. I'd be an obedient, ultra-conservative member of the local church baking cakes for the cake sale while secretly bitching about people behind their back, in a loveless marriage with no hope"

She turned to look at Olivia "Sorry, I'm doing a lot of over sharing today"

"Can you do me a favour Rollins?"  
Amanda nodded. "Don't apologise for talking to me. I'd prefer you over share than not share at all ok?"  
Amanda took a bite of her pizza and her shoulders relaxed as she rested her head against the back of the sofa

"Thanks Liv"

"I'm always here"

"Eat up while it's hot. I could have given it to you cold and not woke you up".

"Thanks for waking me up, I hate cold pizza"

"Duly noted"  
They ate for a while in silence enjoying the company but also the silence. Olivia hadn't had pizza in months. The thought of waiting for someone to deliver food when she could be sleeping was more effort than it was worth.

Amanda gathered up the plates once they'd finished and put them in the sink.

Returning to the sofa she noticed Olivia was starting to doze off. She didn't want to disturb her so she moved to the armchair. She remembered the few months she'd had with Louis, there was a day when she actually fell asleep standing up. The thought made her smile.

Her baby boy would pop into her mind almost every day; it was rare a day went by that she didn't think of him. The day they'd found Noah Amanda was going to reach out and take him from Olivia's arms. Instead she saw in that moment real love and care. She saw what she felt for Louis when he was born. And she knew no matter what Noah would be ok.

Olivia woke with a start and jolted forward. Realising she'd fallen asleep she looked apologetically at Amanda.

"Sorry I'm awful company"  
"It's lucky I came here to hang with Noah then isn't it"  
Olivia smiled and rested her head back again looking at the ceiling. Sighing she began to fiddle with the hem of her t-shirt.

"I didn't think it was going to be this hard"  
Amanda heard a note of desperation in Olivia's voice and it worried her.

"I know Liv, I get it"

Olivia shook her head "Sorry what am I doing, I've nothing to be…" Amanda spotted the tear rolling down Olivia's sallow skin.

"Oh Liv, no, come on" Amanda stood and moved back to her place on the sofa beside the other woman. She put her arm around the taller woman and pulled her against her.

Speaking quietly through the tears falling Olivia tried to apologise "I'm sorry, I just… I can't actually remember…"

"Sshh, come 'ere". Olivia leaned against the blonde's strong body and relaxed, letting the tears pass.

When they finally stopped she lifted her head and rubbed the last of the wetness from her face.

"I don't know what is wrong with me, I'm so sorry"  
"You're tired, your emotions are heightened, you've suddenly realised your whole life has changed and you're scared as hell"

"Wow you read minds as well as being a baby whisperer?"  
Amanda smiled as she squeezed Olivia's hand that was resting on her knee.

"Not quite, I just get it hon'. This isn't my first rodeo"

Olivia moved her hand so it was now on top squeezing the smaller hand.

"I wish you didn't get it, I really do" Turning to look at the blonde Olivia noticed that those blue eyes were watching her intently while trying to pretend not to.

"Thanks Liv". Amanda leaned in and placed a kiss on Olivia's cheek, holding her breath as she pulled back.

"Sorry I didn't mean…"

Placing a finger on the blonde's lips Olivia leaned in and kissed her gently, softly, her hand coming up to cradle the side of her face as she did.

The kiss lasted twenty seconds but it seemed much longer as both women pulled away, taking a moment to catch their breath.

Neither said anything as Amanda stood and took Olivia's hand. Walking towards the bedroom Olivia was apprehensive but the tingle on her lips made her go with her instincts.

Pulling back the comforter on the bed Amanda turned and pulled Olivia into her arms hugging her tightly.

Turning so that Olivia's body was against the bed she bent forward slowly laying Olivia onto the bed. Pulling back she pulled the comforter up around her body and kissed her forehead. She whispered to ensure that Noah wouldn't stir; "Get some sleep. I'll be here in case he wakes you don't need to get up"

Olivia was going to object but as the weight of tiredness fell on her the idea of sleep won out and she closed her eyes.

Amanda shut the door quietly and returned to take a seat on the sofa flicking on the TV and muting it, hoping to God there was something on with subtitles so she could distract herself from the feeling of those lips on hers.

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**A/N My instinct with these two is to always try and get them together asap but I think this one is going to be a little bit more complicated. So please join me for the ride and hopefully you'll enjoy. This is the first story I've written with kids in it and I don't have any of my own so if anyone with any experience wants to throw some in please feel free! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I needed a Seargent for the sake of scenes in the squad room. So Murphy is back for a bit. **

It had been a few days since Amanda had babysat and Olivia was trying to be as normal as possible. Noah hadn't woken while she slept for a few hours. When she emerged from the bedroom Amanda already had her coat in her hand. She'd obviously heard the bedroom door opening.

Olivia barely managed to say "Thanks for everything" before Amanda nodded, smiled and said "goodnight" as she walked out the door.

Olivia sat on the sofa for half an hour staring into space wishing she could rewind time. Not because she regretted what happened but because she knew it was going to make things awkward at work.

And so it was as they sat at their respective desks trying to look anywhere but at each other but failing, not exchanging words but catching each other's eye occasionally and quickly looking away.

Murphy came out of his office and called Olivia's name. She jumped first in fright and then to attention.

"Benson I have a case"

"Ok shoot?"  
Olivia was willing to take anything, missing person, floater, lost kitten. She needed to get away from the tension. She couldn't tell if she was imagining it or if it was real, all she knew was she had to escape.

"Bellvue, woman was raped last night. She was knocked unconscious. Walked into a station downtown this morning when she finally came round. Rollins I need you to go with"

Amanda looked up from her paperwork

"What?"  
"You look slightly confused, should I say it again?"  
"No Sir, sorry. It's just… what's Amaro doing?"  
"Undercover for a few weeks with homicide". Both women shot him an inquisitive look but he simply shrugged his shoulders. "We're short staffed, that's all I'm getting"

"Sure, ok"

Amanda stood, grabbing her coat from the back of her chair.

Olivia walked towards the elevator ten steps ahead of her but she caught her by the time they got to there because it was taking forever as usual.

Olivia was staring at her feet examining her boots as if they contained the answers to all the worlds' problems.

Amanda cleared her throat to alert the other woman of her presence but Olivia's gaze didn't shift.

"Liv" she said it quietly. She got no response. "Olivia"

Olivia looked up and met concerned blue eyes.

"I'm sorry"  
Amanda smiled and placed her hand on Olivia's back.

"There's nothin' to be sorry for. I should be the one apologising running out the door like I did. Did Noah stay settled for the night after?"  
Olivia nodded aware that the hand was still on her back and enjoying the reassurance of it.

"Yeah. I think you have a magic touch. He hasn't slept like that since"

"Any time you want a break Liv just pick up the phone. I had a really good day with you both"

Olivia bit the bullet thinking if she didn't mention it now she never would. And she resorted to her default setting for this kind of situation, one the guys taught her well; joking.

"Yeah I'll try not to make a pass next time, you might have an even nicer day"

It was Amanda's turn to be silent.

The elevator arrived and they both got in

"Sorry I didn't mean to be flippant, I just…"

Amanda still wasn't talking and Olivia was worried she'd overstepped.

"Rollins, I'm sorry, I just figured if it was out there it'd stop…"

The elevator pinged and as the doors opened Amanda turned to face the brunette walking backwards out of the elevator.

"I didn't say I didn't enjoy it Liv. I just don't take advantage of sleep deprived women"

Turning to walk away the blonde has a distinct swagger that Olivia hadn't noticed before.

"You… what…"

Olivia realised she was talking to herself as Amanda was already half way across the reception area.

She shook herself out of the bewilderment and moved to catch up with the blonde.

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Bellevue was it's usual hectic self as the two detectives pushed through the double doors. The car journey had been quiet, Amanda turning on the radio as Olivia started the engine. The act in itself didn't indicate that no talking was allowed. But when Olivia glanced over at Amanda she saw that the blonde had a kind of far away look in her eye. She wondered if talking about Noah had got her thinking about Louis. She figured it was best to let her stay in her distracted state. Besides which she still wasn't sure what she was going to say.

"Seargent Benson, this is my colleague Detective Rollins" Olivia tried to get the attention of the harried nurse behind the desk. She held up her index finger and continued taking orders from someone on the other end of the phone between her shoulder and chin while writing with her other hand. The look on her face said 'woe betide you if you even try interrupting me again before I put this phone down'. Olivia had huge respect for the medical staff in the hospitals they frequented so often. She knew she couldn't do their job.

Waiting until she'd put down the phone Olivia smiled politely and tried again.

The nurse pointed them in the direction of Lauren James's room and then began to run in the direction of a gurney where someone was screaming about killing the doctor. All in a days work.

Amanda knocked on the door of the room and identified herself and Olivia as they entered.

The blonde woman lying in the bed had bad bruising to her face and her arm was in a cast. Amanda couldn't see any further injuries because of the blanket covering her but she knew the physical injuries were nothing compared to the mental anguish the woman was going through.

"Lauren"

Olivia said her name quietly but the small woman jumped. Olivia made a mental note thinking her attacker might have known her name. Of course she also knew she could have just been frightened of everything around her. She remembered the feeling.

Amanda kept her tone quiet as she sat in the chair beside the bed. Olivia stood at the foot of it.

"Lauren, we're here to talk about what happened to you last night. Do you remember?"  
Lauren nodded as a tear escaped the corner of her eye.

"Ok hon, can we start at the beginning and go from there?"

Lauren nodded and Amanda gently began to question her about the events of the previous evening and night.

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An hour later as they emerged from the room Amanda sighed, shaking her head as they walked out into the frosty sunlight.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I just need a coffee and a different job"

"The first one I can do. The way things are at the moment if I attempted to help you with the second one Murphy would kill me"

Amanda smiled as they climbed into the car.

"I'm sorry about not talking earlier Liv. I just, it's just kind of… oh hell this isn't going how I planned it"

"You planned it?"

Amanda gave her a shy sideways glance as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"Only about a hundred times"  
Olivia laughed "Yeah me to. In fact I was rehearsing in front of Noah last night. I think he finally thought I'd lost it"  
They were both silent for a moment and then Amanda decided it was time for the truth.

"What I said earlier walking out of the elevator, I meant it. I'm not in the habit of taking advantage of sleep-deprived women. I know working the shifts we do how much it sucks to have someone at home wanting to do stuff when all you want to do is sleep"

Olivia nodded knowing all too well

"But I did enjoy it Liv, I meant that too"

Olivia nodded again this time more unsure. Her heartbeat had picked up and nerves were starting to settle in. But she listened intently as Amanda continued to talk.

"I've dated women in the past, not many but a few. The longest was 8 months. After they took Louis I felt a constant need for affection and gratification. That's not why I started hooking up with women, it wasn't some kind of jump on anything you see type thing. It was more be with anyone who offered any kind of affection regardless of gender. It wasn't pretty. It's partly why I started to gamble as well. The thrill of winning helped me forget for a minute. Wow I am totally over sharing again"

"Remember what I said?"

Amanda smiled and reached out and covered Liv's hand on the centre console squeezing it briefly before moving away.

"Thanks. Right I'll try give you the shortened version since we've got about 3 minutes"  
"I'll tell you what why don't you give me the longer version tonight? I have to pick Noah up from day care by 7. I'll be home by 8. And given this case I won't have eaten. So dinner around half 8? That's if you don't have plans?"

Amanda didn't hesitate. She wanted to talk more to Olivia, wanted to get to know her. She wasn't sure what was happening but she was willing to let it.

"Sure sounds good. I'll bring take-out"  
"That will save me trying to figure out if there's anything edible in the kitchen. Thanks"  
Olivia pulled into the assigned parking space in the back lot and they made their way back to the squad room.

Filling the evidence board with pictures and information they gathered from Lauren they managed to put together a timeline of the previous night. Fin and Murphy had joined them. Murphy had decided it was all hands on deck so he was going to work with Fin until Amaro got back.

The idea of working with Amanda would have filled Olivia with dread earlier in the day. Now she was looking forward to working with the blonde. It was rare that they got to work together and watching her today reminded her of herself ten years ago. She figured she could use a little re-training and she knew she could learn a lot from Detective Rollins.

They familiarised themselves with the case and allocated tasks for the rest of the shift. Olivia grabbed 2 coffees from the pot handing one to Amanda as she took her place at her desk.

"Gee thanks Sarge, I'm hurt" Fin said from somewhere by the evidence board.

"Get you own dam coffee, you have two hands and two feet don't you?"  
"So does Rollins!"  
"Yeah but Rollins helped make my baby sleep for a whole 5 hours a few nights back. The least I owe her is coffee" She winked at the blonde and got a dazzling smile in return.  
"Well if that's all it takes show me the little tyke. I'm sure I can wear him out"  
"I'm sure you could bore him to death with tales of baseball and baddies" Amanda retorted.

"Nah seriously though Liv, if you need a hand, you know we're here right?"  
Olivia stood and went to pour a coffee for him, handing it to him and kissing him on the cheek "I do, thank you"  
Sitting back at her desk she began looking at the medical file on Lauren James, her thoughts occasionally flitting to the evening and what it held. The butterflies in her tummy were a new and not altogether unwelcome sensation. She smiled to herself as she realised it had been a long time since she'd felt this way. At her desk Amanda was having very similar thoughts.

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**A/N Next chapter will involve their evening together. I can't promise any M rated stuff – they'll tell me where it's going. But if you have any suggestions let me know – they're always appreciated :) **


	4. Chapter 4

The knock on the door was gentle and Olivia smiled. Wishful thinking that Amanda would be waking Noah up, he was on her hip pulling her hair and drooling on her sweater.

Opening the door the waft of take-out made her tummy rumble.

"Someone sounds hungry. Hi buster" Amanda tickled Noah's foot making him giggle as she moved towards the kitchen.

"I thought he'd be asleep but he seems to want to join us, sorry"  
"It's my wit and charm, just can't resist"

Olivia peered over the counter into the kitchen. Amanda was putting the various dishes onto plates.

"That smells amazing"

"I wasn't sure what you'd eat so I got a bit of everything"  
"I will eat anything at this stage"  
"Is that your way of telling me to hurry up?"  
Olivia laughed as she put Noah in his high chair. He might not be eating but at least he'd be able to see them so there'd be less fuss.

Amanda put the plates on the table and Olivia's table manners were forgotten as she began to delve into the plate of food.

Noah slapped his hand on the tray of his high chair looking for attention.

"Don't think you could handle this little man and I think your Mom is too hungry to share"

They consumed the food in fifteen minutes, both realising they had hardly eaten all day.

Olivia stood to unstrap a dozing Noah when they finished as Amanda cleared the plates away.

Noah was not in the mood to go quietly however, and as Olivia lifted him he woke up.

Amanda reappeared and held her arms out to Olivia. "Lets see if I can work my magic."

Handing over the squirming bundle there was a little cry and some snuffling as Amanda sat down on the sofa and sat him on her lap, bouncing him gently.

He wasn't impressed so she stopped and started to clap his hands. This proved far more successful as he began to smile and giggle.

"You and Fin will get on well lil' man, you both like a round of applause"

Olivia laughed as she sat beside the two of them, putting a bottle of beer on the table for Amanda.

"Thanks. I'm not sure he could manage it though, he has to drive later"

"Might knock him out. I have a feeling it's going to be another night of 'Mummy is asleep so I must wake up and wake her up too'"

"Well he's definitely awake now"

"You can put him down for a bit on the play mat if you like. Some rolling around might wear him out"

Amanda put him down and his default setting seemed to be rolling onto his belly to reach out to everything he could. He seemed content so she left him to it, standing for a few seconds to make sure he didn't fuss before sitting down again.

"I don't know who said attachment parenting is the only way to do this, but if I didn't have half an hour to sit on my own like this of a night without him attached to me I'd start to think I was just a mother and not a human being"

"Sometimes the two become very intertwined"

"Sorry, I didn't think…"  
"No that's not what I meant Liv. I just meant that sometimes it's hard to think of yourself as anything other than a Mom"

"I know what you mean. I don't think I could love anyone in this world more than I love him but I have to remember that I need a few minutes every day to be a grown up and have adult conversations with full sentences. So thanks for this. And don't worry I'm not going to talk about me all night, I know we've to finish our conversation from earlier"  
"We can talk about anything you want Liv. I won't say we've got all night – but we've got a while in between feeds and changing and nursery rhymes"  
"You should probably leave before that part. I don't know any of the words and I definitely can't hold a tune"  
"I reckon I can help with that. I remember a few from singing them to Louis. And I know every word to "Wynken, Blynken and Nod". I used it to calm Kim when she was going off on one after taking something. It soothed her for some odd reason, maybe the rhythm"

"I don't know that one"

"I'll save it for a really long stake-out. Tonight Twinkle Twinkle might do the trick"

Amanda reached for the beer and took a sip. They sat watching Noah playing with giant teddy Alex had sent for him. Alex was not exactly knowledgeable on the rate at which children grow so the teddy was twice the size of him. He managed to lift part of its arm and begin to chew on it. Everything was a chew toy at the moment with teeth coming in.

"He been chewing on the skirting board as well?"  
"Almost. He'd chew through wood if you left him long enough"  
"I read books before Louis was born so I knew what to expect. Had to sneak into a library two towns away to read them. But I wanted to be ready. Course nothing really gets you ready, but it helps to know?"

"Yeah." Olivia nodded to the shelf of baby books and Amanda followed her gaze.  
"Liv can I ask you something?" Amanda said, turning back to look at the other detective.  
"Course"  
"Why did you take him?"

Olivia paused to think about her answer. To some degree she still didn't know herself.

"I wanted to be a Mom so bad you know?"  
Amanda nodded

"I didn't mean… that was a dumb thing to say, of course you know, sorry. I wanted it so much and I'd watched Elliot and Kathy all those years as they had their kids and it tore me apart a little bit every time one of them was born. I never thought it would happen for me. I was content with how things were but I was existing rather than living. I was all about the job. And I love what I do but coming home to an empty apartment night after night was tough. I just… I just knew when I held him that no harm was going to come to him if I had anything to do with it"

Amanda nodded. "I saw it in your eyes when you held him."

Olivia looked over to the play mat where Noah was lying on his back kicking his legs in the air fascinated by the movement.

"He had such a hard start in life. When the judge asked if I'd take him, I just knew. When she asked I think she knew, she knew why I'd turned up to all the hearings and she knew that he'd stolen my heart"

"They do that. 17 years later there's not a day goes by I don't think about Louis. About what he looks like, what he enjoys doing, if he likes school or hates it like his Mom"

"If he's anything like his Mom, he's funny, caring, attentive and smart"

Noah interrupted the self-denigration Amanda was about to start with a wale that probably woke the neighbours.

"Someone needs his bed" Liv made to stand but Amanda put her hand on her arm.

"Sit, I'll get him. Has he had his bottle?"  
"Yeah, he probably needs changing, I can do it"  
"I think I can manage a diaper change Liv. Sit and enjoy your beer"

Olivia relented and watched Amanda walk over and lift the little boy up.

"Come on little man, Mommy wants a break and you and I have a nursery rhyme to learn"

Winking at Olivia as she passed Amanda made her way to the changing table beside Noah's crib and placed him down. He resumed his leg kicking making the diaper change quite a difficult affair. But she persevered and finally with his onesie closed she lifted him up and placed him into his crib.

The mobile hanging over the crib had a small light and the sun moon and stars spun around as it played a melodic version of Twinkle Twinkle.

Noah's eyes began to flutter closed as she sang the lyrics quietly. She noticed when they spent time together yesterday that he had a habit of moving a lot even when he was asleep so she wasn't quite sure whether he was actually asleep or not. She didn't realise she'd been gone so long until she felt Olivia's hand on her shoulder "I thought you'd fallen asleep as well" she said quietly.

"Sorry, I just got caught up in watching him sleep, I think"

"Yeah he moves a lot. I worried at the start it was because of all the upheaval early on. Thankfully the very rational paediatrician I take him to told me he's just a very active baby and not in any way half as psychologically disturbed as his mother"

Amanda turned and reached for Olivia's right hand holding and squeezing it as she looked directly into her eyes

"You are not psychologically disturbed. You are a brilliant Mom Liv. I know you're doubting yourself right now but you are"

"You would have been too Amanda"

Amanda realised the tears had already been forming as she watched Noah sleep. They began to fall as she felt strong sure arms encircle her and pull her close. It had been so long since someone had held her not wanting anything in return. Men wanted sex, Kim wanted money, her mother wanted anything she earned but Olivia, Olivia just wanted to give her some comfort.

She felt a soft kiss to her temple and then a hand holding hers, leading them towards the bedroom door.

But Amanda didn't want to leave.

"I'm gona sound like a real big kid right now but I need something from you"  
"Anything"  
"I just need you to hold me for a while"  
"Of course, you're welcome to stay if you want. I just didn't want to presume"

Amanda simply nodded.  
Olivia led them to the bed, kicking off her shoes, Amanda following her lead.

Laying down Olivia stretched her arm out and the blonde took the invitation. Lying on her arm she felt the taller detective's other arm wrap around her waist.

Amanda sighed as she moved as close to Olivia as she could without squashing her.

"Liv, if this is weird for you I can leave"

"Not weird at all" Olivia kissed Amanda's forehead to reassure her.

"I'm gonna be honest Rollins, I never really had female friends growing up. I hung around with boys a lot and that continued. I never knew how to be around girls. But I had a very close relationship with someone in my early 20's, she was in the academy with me, her name was Becca. We did everything but have sex, and that was because she just couldn't bring herself to take that final step. Her fear of being with a woman outweighed her fear of losing me"

"That must have been tough Liv, I'm sorry"  
"It was at the time. And for a long time I worked to convince myself it never happened, that what we had was friendship and nothing more. But I was only trying to fool myself"

"While we're being honest, I told you earlier that I dated women. Dated is probably a bit strong a word. I fucked women in the past. A few of them I fucked more than once. But you definitely couldn't call it dating"

"It sounds like you needed comfort"

Olivia's hand was stroking her back and Amanda had never felt so safe or comforted.

"This isn't what this is, you know that right?"

"I know"

Olivia closed the gap between them and found Amanda's lips, kissing her gently.

There was nothing pressing in the kiss. It was soft and exploratory; both women were too tired for anything more. Long kisses turned into small short kisses and then smiles as both women caught their breath.

"Huh, that was…"  
"Yeah it was…"

Amanda recaptured Olivia's lips, slightly more probing this time, but not willing to let things get out of hand.

"Just wanted to make sure" Amanda said pulling away.

"Yeah it does feel that good"

They both laughed quietly as arms settled and gentle strokes quieted the aching's of a long day.

"Get some sleep Liv. It's been a long day. If he wakes I'll get him"

"You don't have to"  
"I want to"

"Thanks"

"I'm here ok? No matter what I'm here"

"Same goes"

"Night Liv"  
"Night Amanda"

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	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Some of this is sounding oddly like 16x1 in places but since I started writing it long before there's no real time references at all – scout's honour. Also for those who have seen 16x1; seriously how cute is Noah? Sweetest baby! Anyway here's chapter 5 – enjoy! **

Olivia felt a warm arm wrapped around her waist as she slowly woke up. She looked at the clock, red digits saying 7:40 a.m. That couldn't be right. Where was the screaming baby? Why had she not been up four times? Whose arm was it?

She answered all 3 questions at the same time when she felt a kiss to the back of her neck and heard a quiet "Good mornin'".

The hand on her stomach stroked gently as she felt another kiss on her neck.

"Morning. Did I pass out?"  
"Yeah"

Olivia turned so she was facing the blonde, slipping an arm under the one around her waist placing a kiss on smiling lips.

"I thought I'd hear him crying. How did I sleep through it?"  
"Let's say the minute he gurgled I jumped and we were out the door"

"Oh Amanda I…"

"Ssshhh, we had a great time, number 3 was my favourite we stayed up for half an hour singing. He knows all the words to 'Black Velvet' now, you should quiz him later"

Olivia smiled as she leaned in for another kiss. Her lips lingered her fingers digging into Amanda's hips as she pulled her closer. Amanda lifted her leg slightly so that she could rest her leg on top of Olivia's making it easy to role them over so she could straddle the brunette's stomach. Leaning in she deepened the kiss her hands roaming freely one stopping on her breast the other tangling in her hair. Stroking through the tank top Olivia was wearing she felt her nipple harden against the palm of her hand. Making circular motions she continued to stroke and rub her breast as Olivia let out a low moan.

Scratching her scalp softly she intensified the kiss, her hand moving from Olivia's breast down her stomach and between her legs squeezing lightly. Olivia moaned again louder this time and then a whimper from the cot 6 feet away caused another groan, one of frustration rather than longing.

She felt the smile against her lips as Amanda laughed and climbed off her and the bed in two moves.

"Noah, darlin'" she reached into the cot lifting the small boy into her arms "you have awful timin'"

The little boy reached to pull a piece of blonde hair to chew on. His cries were louder now but not so urgent that Amanda couldn't have lingered a bit longer where she was. She made note of it for future reference.

"That is not gona taste good for breakfast fella" Amanda said, taking the piece of hair from between his chubby fingers. "Liv does he normally have a feed around now?"  
Olivia's eyes were still closed reliving the feeling of Amanda's hands on her body. She was only aware someone was talking when she heard someone call "Seargent"

Startled she sat up "Huh"

Amanda was standing in the doorway Noah in her arms laughing hard.

"Do you want me to feed this child or would you like me to let him find his own way while I come back and join you?"

"You've no idea how much I wish he could do that right now. But yes he needs feeding"

Olivia stood and joined them as they made their way into the kitchen.

Amanda was already finding her way around quickly. Olivia felt guilty that she'd slept and insisted Amanda go back to bed while she fixed Noah's bottle.

Returning to the warmth of the bedroom a few minutes later she sat on the bed with a contented baby in her arms as he sucked on his bottle. A contented blonde laid her head on her shoulder and Olivia wished she could stay like that for the rest of the day. It was the first time in her career she seriously considered calling in sick when she wasn't.

"Can we stay here?"  
"If Murphy loses his mind totally sure"

Olivia lifted Noah slightly as he was weighing down on her arm too much.

"Well can we at least say we can do it again?"  
"As often as you like"  
Olivia turned and kissed the top of the blonde head lying on her shoulder.

"That would be often so. And maybe we could finish what you started too"  
Amanda chuckled as she stood. "Do you want me to finish feeding him so you can shower?"  
"No you go ahead. We could be here a bit, he seems to want to take his time"  
Amanda nodded and headed for the door. Olivia's eyes were watching her, taking in every inch of that toned athletic body as the detective walked toward the en-suite.

"See something you like?" Amanda shot over her shoulder.

Olivia simply groaned again.

Amanda laughed as she closed the door and Noah looked up at Olivia inquisitively.

"Believe me buddy you don't want to know what's going on in there. I don't want to even think about what's going on in there otherwise I'd be leaving you to feed yourself. And we know how successful that would be don't we? Olivia nuzzled her nose into his dark hair causing Noah to giggle"

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Dropping Noah off at crèche a shiver ran down Olivia's spine as she thought of her earlier encounter with Amanda in the bedroom. She hadn't realised how much she missed physical contact, how kissing someone could bring alive nerve endings that seemed long since dead. She smiled to herself and was caught out by one of the crèche workers Camille. They chatted when Olivia was dropping Noah off or picking him up.

"Someone looks like they got some sleep last night?" Camille said. "Although that smile isn't anything to do with sleep".

Olivia blushed and stuttered slightly as the praised Noah for his ability to sleep longer.

Camille raised and eyebrow and turned to tend to a crying toddler.

"I believe you" Olivia heard her holler as she walked out the door.

Olivia was still blushing when she got to the precinct. She saw Amanda sitting at her desk and saw a smile directed straight at her as she walked in.

Smiling back Olivia tried not to look half as daft as she felt. She stopped just short of giving Amanda a small goofy wave and they'd only seen each other 40 minutes earlier.

"Benson" Murphy called before she had a chance to sit down.

She rolled her eyes as she walked past Amanda's desk hearing a quiet laugh as she shut the Lieutenant's door.

"What's up?"

"Lauren James?"

"Yeah what about her?"

"You need to let it go?"  
Olivia looked at her boss as if he'd lost his mind.

"I'm sorry I think I misheard you"

"No you didn't Seargent"

"What the hell are you talking about let it go?"  
"Exactly that, you have to let it go"  
"Oh first I need to now I have to, which is it?"  
"Seargent Benson, watch your tone"

"Are you serious? I'm not a rookie Murphy. What the hell is going on?"

"There's bigger powers at play here than just Lauren James"  
"She was raped"  
"Yes I know she was. However, she is a cog in a very large machine that is forming part of an investigation that is at a very critical stage right now"  
"A cog? Can you hear yourself?"  
"Benson" Murphy took a deep breath before continuing, he knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation; he'd been dreading it all morning. One thing he respected more than anything else about Olivia Benson was her commitment to getting justice for the victims. He didn't like this but it was out of his hands.

"I can't do anything about it. This is way above my pay grade"  
"So what do you want me to do, just investigate convenient assaults?"

Murphy's glare almost bore a hole into body.

"I want you to let this go and get back to the Archer case you were working on with Amaro before he went to homicide. Read Rollins in, you can work it together"

"I'm capable of working more than one case at a time"  
"Drop it Seargent"

Olivia turned on her heel and practically slammed the door as she walked out of Murphy's office. Amanda's head shot up at the noise.

Stalking over to her desk Olivia changed her mind half way there and walked to Amanda's instead telling her they had a case but first she needed coffee. They'd missed out on the coffee before the left as they'd spent too long snuggling in bed. Olivia was willing to forgo it when she was in such a good mood. Murphy had managed to kill that good mood so she needed caffeine and she needed it now.

Olivia was quiet the whole way to the deli and Amanda was concerned by the time she sat down that she'd done something wrong.

She was tapping her fingertips on the table and the coffee she'd been so insistent they go and get was going cold.

"Liv?"  
"Hmm"

Olivia had been staring out the window at the early morning rush-hour traffic, the commuters running for buses and hailing cabs. She was a million miles away.

"What's up"  
"Lauren James"  
"Our case from last week"?

"That's the one. Murphy says we have to" she did air quotes with her fingers for emphasis "let it go"

"What?"  
"I know. Something to do with a case homicide is working"  
"We can't just let it go, she was raped for God sake"  
"I know, that's why I have no intention of doing what Murphy says"  
Amanda smiled and reached over brushing her thumb over the back of Olivia's knuckles.

"That's my girl"  
Olivia felt herself blushing again as butterflies played havoc in her stomach.

Amanda moved her chair around the table slightly so she could talk in a low tone to Olivia; "If we weren't in a public place right now Seargent I'd be kissing you, long and slow, tasting you and teasing you with my tongue. I'd have my hands on your ass, holding you tightly against me"

Olivia whimpered and Amanda put her hand on her upper thigh under the table.

"Later baby"  
Olivia let out the breath she'd been holding as Amanda removed her hand, sliding her chair back around to her side of the table.

"I think my heart just stopped for a few seconds there, thanks Rollins"  
"Any time Sarge" Amanda winked and inquired as to their moves for the rest of the day. After explaining about the Archer case they decided to go back to the precinct and appear to be investigating it while still working on the James case behind Murphy's back.

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Waiting at the door for Olivia to get home Amanda had a massive smile on her face. She had gotten a text to say she'd been delayed at the crèche but she'd be there in five minutes.

She heard footsteps approaching as she turned to look down the hallway to see Olivia approaching, her arms full with Noah, his bag with everything he needed for the day and some shopping.

She met her half way and took the shopping, Noah's baby bag and the keys. She placed a quick kiss on Olivia's cheek and opened the door.

Putting everything in place from the shopping bags, Amanda made some food, they'd eaten at work so it was simple toast and butter.

Noah was asleep, tired out from a long day of gurgling and looking cute. Olivia recounted the story Camille had told her to Amanda about how Noah had become the new favourite amongst the staff who now fought over who got to care for him for the day.

"Well who wouldn't want to give him cuddles all day?" Amanda said, looking at the sleeping little boy in his stroller.

Olivia nodded in agreement. "He's pretty cute alright"

"Just like his Mummy"

"I wish his Mummy was here to see him"  
Amanda turned to look at Olivia who was beside her on the sofa

"Liv, you are his Mummy. I know that's hard to believe still, but you are."  
"I… it's just…"  
"He. Is. Yours" Amanda enunciated every word. "I gave birth to Louis but I am not his Mom. His Mom is the lady that took him that day, the woman who raised him".  
They were quiet as Amanda slipped her arm around Olivia's shoulders, pulling her close.

"He, is, and always will be yours"  
"I'm only fostering him. They could still take him back"

"They'd be crazy to take him. He's the luckiest little boy alive"  
"Thanks Amanda"  
"It's the truth Liv"  
Amanda wrapped Olivia into a strong hug stroking her hair. She felt warm breath against her neck as Olivia's breathing hitched slightly.

"I've wanted to touch you all day," Olivia said quietly into the blonde's shoulder.

She felt Olivia press a kiss to her collarbone.

"You left me high and not so dry twice today" Olivia husked "payback is a bitch"

Amanda began to laugh but was cut off by the brunette's lips finding hers. The kiss was fierce; the desire that had been building up all day was released as they kissed. She'd been so turned since that morning it was almost painful. She'd been tempted more than once to drag Amanda into the cribs.

"Wooah, hey, hey" Amanda pointed at Noah as she detached herself from Olivia's lips.

"He's asleep"

"Liv, I need you in ways I don't think he should see, asleep or not"

"You know moving him means the possibility he'll wake up?"  
"I'll take the chance"  
Olivia stood and tip toed over to the stroller wheeling it into the bedroom. The extrication was precarious but she managed it with only a little sigh from Noah to indicate he had any notion what was going on.

Returning to the couch she saw a look of desire in Amanda's eyes that made her insides flip.

She approached the blonde, feeling brazen, a feeling she wasn't used to. As Amanda reached for her she stepped back gaining an inquisitive look from the blonde. She persisted however in standing out of Amanda's reach. Amanda's eyes widened in recognition as she saw what Olivia was going to do – strip slowly and purely for the purpose of teasing her. And she was in no way going to stop her.

Olivia began with her shirt, opening the buttons. She felt a little silly at first. But the look of want in Amanda's eyes made her feel alive so she continued. She slowly lifted her tank top over her head and Amanda's eyes went straight to her breasts, encased in the only bra Olivia had that she considered it reasonable for anyone else to see her in. The black silk clung to her breasts and the outline of her erect nipples was clear through the sheer fabric.

Amanda's eyes stayed riveted on the body in front of her but they travelled down as Olivia's hands reached the button on her jeans. Slowly, agonisingly slowly for Amanda, she opened it and the zipper, and began to push the black trousers off her hips. Amanda's eyes followed them to the floor and then back up. She let out a little gasp at the sight of Olivia Benson standing in front of her in just black underwear, her hair messy from a busy day, her skin smooth, her eyes dark and sultry.

Amanda needed to touch her and as Olivia reached behind to unclasp her bra the blonde stood shaking her head.

"Nu-uh, mine". Amanda wrapped her arms around Olivia's upper body unclasping her bra and letting it fall to the ground between them. Instinct told her to touch first. Reaching between them she took both breasts into her hands and began to knead them gently. Running her thumbs over both nipples she felt Olivia's body shake as a shiver ran down her spin.

Dipping her head slightly she took her left nipple into her mouth sucking while her hand continued to play with the other.

Olivia's breathing was becoming faster, Amanda could feel it in the rise and fall of her chest. Leaning up to claim her lips she guided them back towards the sofa. She lay both of them down so she was positioned just above the taller woman, her knees either side of her thighs.

She continued to kiss her mouth but the need to kiss her elsewhere was becoming too much. Moving kisses down to Olivia's bare neck and then stopping for a moment to lavish attention on those breasts that had captured her attention she continued past them down Olivia's toned abs to her tummy and lower. When she reached the hem of her panties Amanda looked up to make sure Olivia wasn't having second thoughts. The pleading look she saw told her it definitely wasn't the case.

She removed the last barrier between them, not sure where the black satin underwear landed when Olivia kicked it off her left leg. She didn't care either.

Moving until she was level with the vee between Olivia's legs she stopped for a moment to look at the woman that lay in front of her.

"You are so beautiful Liv, you know that?"  
She smiled as she felt a hand in her hair. She'd tell her again when she'd seen to the burning need her Seargent was begging her to tend to.

She placed a kiss on Olivia's clitoris before using her tongue in long flat strokes to start out. Olivia's grip on her hair tightened so she continued for a few minutes, alternating between long flat strokes and running the tip of her tongue through Olivia's outer and inner lips.

She was amazed how wet Olivia was. Returning her attention to her clit she sucked it gently and as she did so she heard a soft plea from above her.

"Inside… please"

Amanda balanced herself and readied her index and middle finger placing them first at Olivia's opening for a few moments, and then pushing into the wetness that was coating everywhere at this stage. She began a rhythm, slow at first, but she could feel Olivia pushing against her and she knew she needed to concentrate on giving her as much pleasure as possible. Picking up speed with her fingers she began to curl them against Olivia's front wall, looking for her g-spot. She realised she'd hit it when she was almost bucked off the sofa by Olivia's hips rising.

Amanda continued stroking her g-spot while sucking hard on her clit. A minute later she felt the woman below her come undone, a quiet "fuck" coming from somewhere as Olivia's body tensed. Amanda guided her through the orgasm, enjoying immensely the sounds and tastes of release that accompanied it.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Amanda resting her head on Olivia's abdomen. The older woman began to stroke long strands of blonde hair as she came back down from the high she'd been on.

Eventually Amanda moved realising they'd both fall asleep there if one of them didn't.

Olivia was blushing when she leaned in to kiss her.

"Hi" Amanda said in a mischievous voice.

"Hi yourself"

"You ok?"  
"I'm, I think… I don't think there's… yeah we'll go with ok. There are better words but ok is good, yeah"

Amanda laughed as she intertwined her fingers with the hand that was resting at Olivia's side.

"I think it's time we went to bed"  
"Are you… I mean"  
"I'm ok Liv, honest. I wanted this to be about you tonight. Have done since we were in that café this morning"  
"But you must be…"

"I'm a big girl Liv, I'll survive"

Olivia didn't want to leave Amanda in the same way Amanda had left her all day but she was starting to feel weary. It had been a long time since anyone had gotten her so aroused and worn her out like that.

Amanda stood effectively taking the decision away from her. She rose with her, their hands remaining joined as they walked towards the bedroom.

"Sorry I'm being presumptuous, do you want me to stay?" Amanda said before they entered the bedroom. She didn't want to talk and wake Noah up.

"Of course" Olivia saw a fleeting moment of uncertainty in Amanda's eyes and she wanted to make it go away. For now all she could do was kiss her, so she did.

Amanda groaned "Ok, my resolve is not that powerful Liv"  
"We can go back to the sofa, I'll be glad to test it"

Amanda kissed her again. "Naw, you're good. Right now all I want to do is curl up and hold you in my arms until it's morning. That sound good?"  
"More than good, amazing. That was the word my brain wouldn't let me think of a moment ago"

Olivia opened the door noting that she seriously needed to oil one of the hinges – it was the little things that could possibly wake a precariously sleeping child that you suddenly noticed.

She grabbed a baseball jersey she slept in and pulled it on over her head. Amanda shed herself of her jeans and shirt and climbed into bed in a string top and damp boy-shorts.

Meeting in the middle of the bed Amanda felt Olivia's arms wrap around her, she liked the protection it offered.

"I meant what I said" Amanda said quietly"  
"What?"  
"You are really beautiful Liv"

"Mmm, it's all relative to what you think beauty is, but thank you. You are very sweet Rollins"  
"I aim to please ma'am" – the accentuation of her Southern accent was not lost on Olivia as she kissed the blonde's temple.

"You are very good at pleasing"  
Amanda smiled against Olivia's neck kissing it. "And that was only round 1"

"Round 2 is all about you"

"We'll see."

"Oh trust me Rollins, I don't break promises"  
Squeezing her tightly as if to seal her promise Olivia kissed the top of Amanda's head.

"Goodnight Amanda"  
"Night Liv"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**A/N Sorry that took so long. I was writing a thesis. All done now so I'll be able to get back to this more. Let me know what you think! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Loving Season 16 so far – seems like we're going to get to see a bit more of Rollins which is always good! There are no spoilers in this but oddly there was a reference in 16x2 to Amanda's Mom – the reference here is purely coincidental. Enjoy!**

Stroking her fingers through the blonde head of hair resting on her chest Olivia let out a contented sigh. They'd been awake for half an hour. Usually Olivia would try to get another 10 minutes sleep but right now she wanted nothing more than to be awake holding the other woman. They talked sporadically but the silence was comfortable and both felt protected and part of something that was starting to feel special.

Amanda looked over to Noah who was still fast asleep in his crib, a little hand reaching out in his slumber.

"I wonder what he's dreaming about"  
"Something innocent and silly I hope"  
"I'm sure it is"  
Amanda shifted slightly so she was resting her head on Olivia's shoulder.

"I got a text from my Mom a few days back"  
"Really?" Olivia wasn't sure whether to expand on that one word. She knew Amanda had a history with her mother, she knew they weren't on good terms. Her contact details if something were to happen to her in the line of duty was an aunt in Atlanta.

"That was a very diplomatic answer"

Olivia chuckled "I thought so. Do you want to tell me what it said?"  
"The usual bull, Hey Mandy, You haven't been in contact in a while. Kim is doing good – you should call her"

"That it?"  
Amanda hesitated. She was hoping Noah would pick that moment to wake up but he was non-compliant having spent half the night awake.

"Uh… yeah… kind of". Amanda couldn't think what to say so she grabbed her phone from the bedside table and handed it to Olivia."

Olivia opened the messages and smiled as she saw a picture of Noah beside her name that Amanda had taken a few nights earlier. It was the icon for when she sent Amanda a text or rang her. The second name in the line of texts read Mom.

"Are you sure you want me to read this?"  
Amanda nodded against her shoulder so Olivia tapped the screen

The message read:

_"Hi Mandy. How's the big city treatin you? You work too hard, you should take some time off and come home. Kim is doin real good, you should call her. There's a letter here for you. I don't know why they don't have your new address but I'll send it to you, where are you living? If you're doing any overtime I'm kinda stuck right now, maybe you could loan me a few hundred. Love Mom x_

"Wow that is quite a few requests in such a short space. She sure knows how to ask a lot of a person"

"She won't be getting any of it anyway so she can keep dreamin'"

"So she doesn't know where you live?"  
"Nope, and it's gona stay that way too"  
"You two really aren't close are you?"  
"Let's just say the day they took Louis she laughed and said I'd get over it. I tried for years to tell myself that she wasn't a spiteful bitch, but when I started gambling and winning she became so nice to me it made me sick. I went by the house on my way home after a big loss one night and she smacked me across the face, told me it was a good thing they'd taken that child from me and that I was useless. It was part of the reason I left. You know the rest"  
"I'm so sorry sweetheart. She sounds viscous. She doesn't deserve you in her life"  
Olivia kissed Amanda's temple and resumed stroking her hair. The blonde quieted and Noah decided it was his turn to cry.

Amanda made to get out of the bed but Olivia kissed her quickly on the lips and told her to go back to sleep for a bit.

Lifting Noah from his crib she returned to the bed to give Amanda another quick kiss before exiting with the protesting baby in her arms.

Olivia put Noah in his high chair as she prepared some porridge for his breakfast. He was becoming impatient and banging the tray.

"Ok buddy ok, give me a sec"  
She heard the bedroom door open and Amanda appeared, cooing at Noah and causing him to quiet down.

"Go back to bed Amanda, we're fine"  
"I'm good thanks Liv. I'm awake now, I won't get much sleep knowing we've to be up in a bit anyway. I'd rather be here with you two if that's ok?"

"It's more than ok" She kissed the top of Amanda's head as she sat down beside her at the table to feed Noah.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Fin sensed the tension when he walked into the bullpen. Murphy's office door had just slammed and Amanda and Olivia looked like they were ready to kill.

Despite knowing it'd cause him nothing but trouble he asked, "What's up?"  
"Nothing"  
Fin knew by the tone of Amanda's voice that was a total lie. But he knew by her stance not to ask her to elaborate. Olivia gave off a similar vibe sitting at her desk. But she wasn't quite as conservative in her approach to these things. And Fin knew if he asked she'd tell him.

"Liv?" he asked walking over to her desk.

"Lauren James"  
"Uh-huh, I remember"

"Murphy has told us to drop it"  
"I don't understand"

"No neither do I. Amaro is working something with homicide – Lauren James is involved – we've been told to back off"

"That's bull"  
"I know"  
"I'm gona talk to Murphy"  
"No, I've tried Fin. It's not going to help. Murphy's made up his mind"  
Fin grunted and made for his desk glancing at Amanda as he went by. She nodded having overheard his conversation with Olivia.

Sitting down to start into his paperwork Fin looked over at Amanda who was scribbling notes in the margins of a case file.

"Lauren James?" he asked.

"No the Archer case. If Murphy catches me on that he will in his words "send my ass back to Atlanta on the next flight with no hope of a job at the other end based on his reference"

"Ouch"  
"Yeah"

The phone rang on Amanda's desk so she excused herself to take the call. She simply nodded as the listened to the voice on the other end, hanging up with "thanks" after half a minute.

"Back in a minute"

Olivia looked up wondering where the blonde was going but returning her attention to the file on her desk, as she'd just found a point of interest.

Amanda returned a few minutes later with a brown A4 envelope in her hand and a look of contempt on her face.

Olivia gave her a questioning glance but she shook her head imperceptibly so that Fin wouldn't notice. Olivia filed it away as an 'ask later' topic.

Her phone vibrated and she looked at the caller ID. It was Barba.

He wanted her to go over a case that was going to trial next week. She was the detective in charge. It was a particularly horrific case, one she wasn't looking forward to hearing the evidence of, again. But that came as part and parcel of the job.

She scribbled a note on a piece of paper and dropped it on Amanda's desk as she announced to no one in particular that she was going to Barba's office and would be back whenever his royal highness decreed. Fin chuckled. He knew Olivia's history with A.D.A's, he also knew she didn't mean it. Barba was more under thumb than he realised but he'd never admit that anything Olivia Benson did influenced his decision making process.

Amanda picked up the piece of paper and read it quickly smiling at the haste with which Olivia had written it, her handwriting was barely legible.

"_I saw the look on your face – I know you're not ok. Sorry I had to leave. I wanted to hug you but I think Fin might have noticed. Have a look at the file on my desk if you get a chance, I think I've found something; I need another pair of eyes. I'll text you when I'm done. If you can, come meet me for coffee. If not I'll see you at home xx"_

Placing the letter in her desk drawer Amanda smiled as she turned away and went to pick up the file on Olivia's desk thanking her lucky stars that her handwriting on it was better than in the note. The word "home" struck a chord. She wasn't sure if Olivia even realised what she'd written. But it made her smile and inane smile she realised she needed to wipe away before she returned to her desk and Fin saw.

Murphy emerged once again from his office this time with news of a new case. He was going to work it with Fin so both left leaving Amanda alone with the brown envelope. She knew her mothers handwriting when she saw it. She was tempted to send it back unopened but she knew how childish it would seem. But she realised then that her mother hadn't written it, she'd only sent something that had arrived.

Opening the envelope another envelope and a note fell out.

The note was in her mother's handwriting and once again her blood pressure rose. It's content was harsher in tone than the text, more akin to what Amanda was used to from her mother.

"_You could have at least replied to my text Mandy. I am only concerned for your welfare. This is your letter. I hope it's important enough that I wasted good money posting it. It looked important with the inked stamp and personal address written in ink and all. Ring Kim, she misses you. She has news. If things are good I really could use some money. Love Mom x"_

Rolling the note into a ball she threw it into the wastepaper basket beside her desk. Next she picked up the envelope with her name and the address of her childhood home on it in handwriting she didn't recognise.

Opening it she realised it was a single page in the same writing that was on the envelope.

As she began to read her hand began to shake. The letter wasn't long. It was simple and to the point.

_Amanda,_

_My name is Mikey. I'm 17. I live in Key West. I live with my Mom and Dad and my younger sister Rachel. _

_I'm writing this letter because I have a question and I need an answer, simple really. But it's not. I think you're my Mom, well my birth Mom. My real Mom's name is Lisa and my Dad's name is Joe. I love them very much. But when I went looking for my birth certificate last year last year to get my passport for travelling on a school trip, my parents had to tell me the truth. They didn't have it. They told me where I came from and that you were young when you had me and had wanted a better life for me so you gave me to them. I was angry at first that you gave me away. But Rachel told me to take some time and think about what it would be like if her or me had a baby at our age. It's been 6 months and I think now is the right time for me to write this letter – I'm not sure if I'll send it yet – if you're reading it I did._

_Anyway if this letter has gone to the wrong person, sorry I can't take it back, maybe if you know Amanda you could give it to her? If this is you I've included an e-mail address you can reach me on. If you want to talk maybe we could? _

_Mikey Curtis. _

A tear was trickling down Amanda's cheek as she finished reading the letter. It seemed surreal that her son, the son she'd thought about every day for 17 years was writing her a letter. For a fleeting moment she thought it might be some sick joke by her mother. Revenge for leaving her when things got tough and making her get herself out of debt for the first time in her life. But she knew cruel as her mother was she wasn't smart enough to do something like this. Re-reading the letter she became more confident that it wasn't her mothers handy work. The spelling was too good and there wasn't a hint of her handwriting anywhere in it.

Putting the letter in her top drawer she noticed Olivia's message from earlier, she really needed to meet her for that coffee. Getting up from her desk made her way to the shower room to freshen up before returning to the bullpen.

The streaks of mascara gone, her hair tied neatly back, and a relaxed demeanour were presented when Fin and Murphy returned with the victim from their latest case.

The young man looked nervously at his new surroundings. He had a black eye and a split lip.

Murphy nodded his head towards her and said for her benefit and that of the young man "Danny this is Detective Rollins. She's going to get you set up in a room close by and stay with you until Detective Tutuola and I are ready to ask you a few more questions".

Amanda stood and made her way over to the young frightened man, placing her hand on his shoulder, an act of reassurance that caused Danny to jump first and then relax.

"Hi Danny, I'm Amanda. You wana come with me?" Amanda's tone was gentle and comforting, she could see how scared Danny was, he was visibly shaking.

Danny just nodded as they made their way down the hall to the room they had nicknamed the soft room. It was in reference to the furniture and a reminder to the detective's about their demeanour when they entered the room. People in that room were not suspects they were victims. With the sofa and softer chairs, it was still an interview room, but it didn't have the same harsh lighting and wire mesh on the windows that the interrogation rooms had.

Danny sat down at the table, eyeing the sofa, thinking it was probably a better option but not sure if it was one.

"You can sit over there if you like"  
Danny simply nodded again.

She sat at the table, not wanting to invade his space. They sat silently, Danny not wanting to talk, Amanda not wanting to push him.

Eventually Murphy knocked and entered. Amanda took it as her cue to leave. Catching Fin on his way in she asked for the basics.

"Danny Mills, 18, college freshman, raped by two students at a hazing ritual".

Amanda saw red as she remembered their previous case where a young girl had lost her life because of an incident like this. Fin saw the flash of anger behind those blue eyes.

"Take a breath 'Manda. We'll sort this"

"I know. I just wish I could castrate those sons of bitches".

"Don't know it'd do any good. But if you ever get into office I'll back it as top billing for your campaign agenda".

Fin gave her a pat on he back. "Its ok partner, we'll get them."  
"Thanks Fin"

Amanda returned to sit at her desk, the paperwork pile staring ominously at her.

Still no text from Olivia but she wasn't expecting one. She knew the case Barba and her were discussing and she knew it was going to be a long day for all of them.

Turning her attention to the paperwork and the file Olivia had left she tried not to think of how Danny and Louis – Mikey, she had to start calling his Mikey – were so close in age. She couldn't imagine what she'd do if she found out anything like that had ever happened to him.

She took Fin's advice and taking another deep breath returned to her paper work. It wasn't as successful as she'd hoped but the pile was one third smaller by clocking off time.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

A text from Olivia asked her to pick Noah up from crèche as she was running late. Barba decided to do a courtroom run through so Olivia rang ahead to the crèche to give Amanda's details to Camille.

Amanda was happy to have an excuse to escape, telling Murphy she had a family emergency and leaving no time for questions as she exited the bullpen. It was sort of true. She grabbed the letter from Mikey out of the drawer before she left.

It took her twenty minutes to navigate the streets and subway with the pushchair. She was seriously thinking about approaching city hall about putting in pushchair lanes by the time they got to Olivia's apartment.

He'd had his dinner in the crèche so Amanda made up a bottle. Sitting on the sofa she held the little boy in her arms and began to feed him. The tears that were welling abated when he smiled reaching out to grab at the hand holding the bottle.

"You'll smile at anyone that feeds you won't you lil'man"

Noah caught her hand and gripped her finger as he continued to drink.

The door opened and Olivia walked in, taking in the sight that had caught her by surprise the first day Amanda had looked after Noah. This time however Amanda had tears in her eyes and Olivia wasn't sure why.

She said a quiet "Hi" and sat down on the sofa beside Amanda Noah waved his arm in acknowledgment that he'd seen her but seemed quite content in Amanda's arms.

Amanda rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. Reaching over Olivia wiped a loan tear away.

"Open my bag"

Olivia didn't ask why she just stood and retrieved Amanda's bag from the countertop.

"In the brown envelope" the blonde said quietly, her tone still emotional.

Olivia resumed her position on the sofa and opened the envelope. Taking out the letter from Mikey she began to read. It only took her two minutes but she had to read it again just to make sure she'd taken it all in.

"Wow, that is… You got this today?"  
"Uh-huh"  
"Your Mum knows where you work?"  
"I told her NYPD, Kim must have told her the rest"  
"Ok. That's not really the important bit, but I just wondered. How are you?"  
"I don't know. I think I'm alright. But I'm not sure"  
"I'll finish that" She indicated that she'd take Noah with her arms but Amanda shook her head no.

"Thanks Liv, but he's kinda holding me together right now if that's ok?"  
"Course it is. Have you eaten?"  
Amanda thought for a minute and realised she hadn't. So Olivia set about making omelettes with what was left in the fridge.

She felt Amanda before she saw her standing in the entrance to the kitchen a few minutes later.

"Hey"  
The tears had dried but Amanda looked like a lost soul and Olivia needed to hold her. Crossing the small space between them she wrapped the smaller woman into her arms and held her tight. Amanda shook slightly the shock still evident. But the tears remained at bay.

"I'll get you a jumper to put on"  
Amanda nodded against her shoulder and Olivia moved to the closet negotiating around the stroller to get to the fleecy zip up she kept for occasions like this when she wasn't feeling well or was cold.

She came up behind Amanda putting it on her shoulders and guiding her arms into the sleeves, turning her back around so she could hug her again.

"We can talk when we're finished eating if that's ok?"  
"I'm not sure I'm going to be able to talk much"  
"That's ok. I can talk for both of us"

Amanda smiled weakly as she felt a quick kiss on her temple.

"Food is almost ready. Have a seat and we'll see if my culinary skills have remotely improved from when I was 21. I want an honest answer"

Amanda appreciated Olivia's attempt at banter. She went back into the living room and watched Noah playing in his playpen, not a care in the world.

She didn't hear Olivia come up behind her. "Sometimes I realise I've been sitting for half an hour watching him play like that"  
Making their way to the table they sat down to start into the food.

"Yeah they can distract the hell out of you alright. When Louis – Mikey, I have to start calling him Mikey – God" Amanda growled in frustration and Olivia reached out, giving her hand a brief squeeze of reassurance.

"You've only known his new name 6 hours, give yourself a break"  
Amanda nodded. "When he was small I used to just sit watching him in the basinet, wriggling around, feet kicking, hands curled up. You could get totally mesmerised" Taking a mouthful of her food while it was hot Amanda decided she'd give the honest critique Olivia was after; "It's edible". Amanda smiled, properly this time at the scowl Olivia threw her way.

"No it's lovely, thanks Liv. I wouldn't have eaten if I weren't here with you. I would have just ignored the hunger pangs. Speaking of which I've been spending a lot of time here, in fact I think my neighbours think I've moved out. So if you want me to leave, please just say"

Olivia again reached for her hand, this time not letting go. "You stay as long as you want, you come and go as you want and you treat this place like it's yours, understood?"  
Amanda nodded, interlocking her fingers with Olivia's

"Thank you, that means a lot. Especially after today"

They resumed eating, most of it consumed in ten minutes, both women realising they actually hungrier than they thought.

Olivia placed the dishes in the sink and decided she needed to get out of her work clothes and into something comfortable.

She asked Amanda if she wanted something to change into and duly threw her a t-shirt and sweatpants when she acknowledged that she still felt like she was at work wearing the clothes she had on.

Coming back into the living area Olivia sat down and nodded to the letter. "Do you mind if I read it again?"  
"No go ahead"

Olivia took her time to read the letter again. She couldn't imagine how Amanda must be feeling. She knew that Noah's parents were never going to turn up so it wasn't a problem she had to worry about. But Amanda had just been landed with a huge shock.

"I don't really know what to say"

Putting her arm around Amanda's shoulder she pulled her close.

"He obviously wants to get in contact with you. Do you want that?"

"I don't know" Amanda's voice was quiet and lost.

"You don't have to decide right now, you have time"  
"I know. It's just I don't know how long my Mom has had this. She lets mail pile up for weeks. I feel like if I don't respond he might think I don't want to know him. And that is not true. I just don't know what to say, or how to even start"  
"We can work something out together if you want me to help?"  
"Thanks Liv, but I think this is something I have to do on my own. I'm gona give it a day or two, maybe when I'm not such a babbling mess I'll be able to form a coherent e-mail to write back"

"Anything you need, just ask"  
Amanda turned her head to kiss the brunette. She felt Olivia's grip on her shoulder tighten as the kiss moved from gentle to exploring.

Pulling away slowly Amanda lifted her shoulder and turned on the sofa so she was laying down, her position necessitating that Olivia do the same so she had room.

Lying side by side Amanda with her back against the back of the sofa, Olivia in front of her Amanda resumed the kiss, this time taking it back to the more gentle pace of the initial touch of their lips.

"Do you mind if we just do this for a while?" she said against Olivia's lips.

"Mind? Are you crazy?" Olivia moved her hand to rest on the other woman's hip "I've been dreaming about touching you and holding you and kissing you all day"

Amanda leaned in for another kiss.

"I don't know how I got so lucky"  
"Oh please, Rollins I have 10 years on you, a kid and a job that makes more than 6 hours sleep a luxury"  
"Yeah, you're also, Beautiful. Funny. Driven. Talented. Amazing. She punctuated each work with a quick kiss "and dam good in bed"  
Olivia laughed pulling the blonde to her. "You are all of those things too"

They lay for a while exchanging kisses and glances and soft strokes of exposed skin, not all of which was exposed naturally but more so by roaming hands.

Amanda sighed as she felt Olivia's finger on the small of her back, stroking gently. She looked over to see Noah was dozing in his playpen and decided a nap might be a good. Closing her eyes and snuggling into the woman who was sharing her body heat she dozed off. Olivia did the same some minutes later.

They were both rudely awakened by the noise of a cell phone ringing. It was Olivia's. She fished it off the table hurrying to answer it in case it work Noah or Amanda, but it was futile as she saw blue eyes open and heard a small cry behind her.

She hoped whoever was on the end of the line had a good reason for waking them all up or she'd have them writing traffic tickets for a month.

It was Amaro and his reason was more than good. They'd found Lauren James raped and murdered dumped in a secluded part of Central Park.

She relayed the information to Amanda as she stood up, helping her up as well. Olivia rang the neighbour that watched Noah when she had calls like this. Liz said she'd be there in five minutes.

They were both dressed in three minutes, each kissing Noah goodbye and giving a quick greeting to Liz as they left.

As they stood waiting for the elevator Amanda took Olivia's hand, turning her slightly and claiming her lips.

"What was that for?"  
"An apology for falling asleep when we were making out earlier"  
"You're forgiven"

Olivia kissed the slightly flushed skin of Amanda's pale skin. Both knew the next few hours would be unknown, a challenge. Both had adrenaline pumping through their veins, ready for anything that may be thrown their way. And both were aware for the first time that they weren't alone in dealing with the feelings associated with getting that call. It gave both women a reassuring feeling as they stepped into the elevator readying themselves for the battle ahead.

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	7. Chapter 7

"Sarge"

Olivia thought if she heard that word once more tonight she might just hit something or someone, hard. She turned to see who was calling from the dark recesses of the bushes where they'd found Lauren James's body. It was Amanda. The anger abated slightly.

Walking over she followed Amanda's torch. It shone on Lauren's pale limp hands.

"She's missing a couple of fake nails. We might be looking for someone with some scratch marks. She put up a fight, that's for sure. The bruising to her face and arms indicates this was a seriously violent attack. Techs are doing their thing so I'm going to go and talk to the guy who found her. Uni's have him in the back of their car"

Olivia nodded and felt a hand squeeze her elbow as Amanda walked away. She couldn't take her eyes off Lauren's body. She told rookies that it got easier – but it didn't get easier really, it got bearable. She hated this part of her job, hated seeing someone so young killed for no apparent reason.

"Sarge" She groaned under her breath and turned again to answer the call. It was going to be a very long night, of that she was sure.

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They had arranged for Amanda to go home and take over from Liz. She needed to sleep more than Olivia and she could do it while Noah did.

In the squad room a few hours later Olivia looked at the crime scene photos as she put them on the board. Reciting the info from the scene she looked at the other detectives gathered around. Her mind was in overdrive. She was determined to catch this guy. First though she was determined to lock Amaro in a room and drill him for information until she told him all he needed to know. Slamming the door she turned to look at the dark haired man, his back to her staring out the wire mesh covered window.

"Nick what the hell?"  
"Liv, I honestly haven't gotten the energy right now, it's been a long night"  
"It's been a long night for all of us Nick, most of all Lauren James"  
"I don't need a guilt trip"

"No, you need to remember your place detective. You work in this Department, you are not a part of Homicide, you are on secondment to them. You work for SVU. Now tell me what the hell is going on!" Olivia's voice was getting louder with each sentence. She was irate and sick of not being told what was happening.

"I know my place Seargent. But there are people far higher up involved in this. I'm not going back into uniform for anyone Liv"

Olivia smacked her hand off the door.

"Fine if you won't tell me I'll find out for myself"

"Good Luck with that. I mean it, cause I still don't know what's going on and I'm involved"  
Olivia opened the door and put all her effort into not slamming it closed.

Walking back into the squad room she swept her eyes over the people milling around, all the team seemed to have something to do. Suddenly a wave of tiredness hit her. Apart from the nap she'd had with Amanda on the sofa she hadn't slept in twenty hours. When she was a rookie she could go twice that long without sleeping. But she'd realised a few years back that she was no longer in her twenties. With Noah in her life she knew the value of sleep and what it was to be deprived of it. She knocked on Murphy's door. He was on the phone but he nodded for her to come in as he continued to talk.

She sat in one of the chairs opposite his desk and waited for him to finish the call.

"I understand that sir, but the thing is…" there was a pause as Murphy gritted his teeth, the hand that wasn't holding the phone clenched in a fist. "Yes Sir, I understand. Goodbye"  
He growled as he hung up and threw the phone into the pile of paperwork on his desk.

"One PP?"  
He nodded. "You'd swear I hired this guy to go around killing people. In fact I may as well be him the ear bashing I just got off that paper pushing prick"

Olivia knew all too well that feeling of being the boss. She'd hated the pressure being Captain had put on her which was why she was glad Declan Murphy was back.

"Look Lieutenant, about the James case"

Murphy held up his hand to stop her but she continued to talk.

"Amaro is scared witless that he's going to be demoted if he steps out of line on this. Rollins is pissed at being told to lay off. And I'm confused as to why you think it's ok to tell any one of us not to investigate to our full capabilities a rape case?"

Murphy made to interject again but Olivia held up her hand to stop him. Had he not respected Olivia Benson so much the Lieutenant would have told her to get the hell out of his office for being insubordinate.

"However, I've heard twice now, from two people I trust that there are powers involved in this that I cant imagine. I'm done with Tucker and IAB – if I never see them again it'll be too soon. So I'm taking your advice and laying off. But I'm not stopping Lieutenant. I have no intention of…

This time Murphy did cut across her "Lauren James is an alias. Her real name was Elena Jankovich. She was the sister of a CIA informant. She was here on their say so. Her brother was helping with an investigation into foreign terrorism. Homicide was involved because the men who came after them killed her brother Daniel. CIA were keeping her under surveillance until they could get her somewhere safe, out of the country safe I mean. But they were too late. We think one of them raped her as well. That's it, that's the whole story"

"Jesus, she was just a kid"

Murphy nodded. "These are some nasty bastards Olivia, I say this because I know you're like a dog with a bone. But this really isn't our case. She only came to yours and Rollins attention because she was raped, she should have remained on the down low with no attention drawn to her. The nurse in the hospital made the mistake of following protocol and calling us. She was supposed to ignore protocol and let the CIA doctors deal with it."

"So why are we involved now?"  
"Well the CIA thinks we fucked up. So they see it as our mess to clean up. Elena and Daniel Jankovich mean nothing to them now they're dead. So they're letting things play out the way they would in a normal criminal investigation because they have nothing to gain basically. They'll be there to take the credit if these guys are caught. But nothing else"

Olivia nodded suddenly feeling a lot more tired than she had when she sat down.

"I need to go home and crash for a few hours, sort out the Nanny and Noah"; Murphy didn't need to know Rollins was the Nanny.

"Go Liv. It'll all still be here when you get back. The Archer case needs to take top priority and you're in court with Barba Thursday right?"  
Olivia nodded as she stood to leave.  
"I'm on my cell if you need me"  
"Go home Seargent. And don't show your face here again for at least 8 hours. Oh and if anyone asks Lauren James is homicide's case ok?"  
Olivia nodded again. She knew now that Murphy wasn't trying to cover anyone's ass high up and it assuaged some of the guilt she felt about not focusing as intently on the James case. It didn't put her off completely but she knew addressing it at this point would cause more hassle than it was worth.

She exited Murphy's office and picked up her jacket and bag from her desk. She informed Fin that she was leaving and would be back later. She nodded to Nick as she left and he acknowledged it. The one thing she could trust her old partner to do was have her back.

Walking towards the subway she felt the bite in the air and wrapped her coat tighter around her as she made her way through the rush hour commuters all going in the opposite direction.

She grabbed some croissants and two coffee's in the deli just around the corner from her apartment. She wasn't sure she had milk so it was safer to buy something edible before rather than after getting home.

She tried to be as quiet as possible when she entered the flat hoping both the occupants would be asleep. But the smaller of the two was very much awake and Amanda was feeding him porridge.

"Hey guys"  
Both pairs of eyes turned to watch Olivia as she entered. Amanda smiled and Noah's arms flailed as he giggled. She kissed Amanda briefly before picking the little boy up and wrapping him in her arms to give him a cuddle.

"Hi big boy. Are you having fun with Aunty Amanda?"  
He squirmed in her arms eager to get back to his porridge but she managed to get one last kiss in before she put him back in his high chair.

Turning again to Amanda she kissed her again, soft and long, melting into the mouth she'd wanted to kiss for hours.

Placing the coffee and croissants on the table Olivia sat beside Amanda at the table

"I'm sorry I thought he'd sleep longer"

"Liz let me sleep for a few hours, it's fine. She said she knew what it was like to work strange hours with a baby – told me about her little girl Jane and rearing her as a single Mom working in an Emergency Room. She told me she'd stay while I slept. We're only up an hour"

Olivia pulled her chair closer to Amanda's and laid her head against her back.

"Long morning?"  
"It was… actually it's a really long story"  
"You want to talk about it?"  
"Maybe after a shower"

"I'll finish feeding this little monster, you go and have a shower. Then go to bed and get some sleep. I'll get a call to go in at some stage no doubt, but we're ok for now"

Olivia stood and kissed the top of Amanda's head.

Making her way to the bedroom Olivia turned back to say something to Amanda.

"I can't…." Amanda turned to look at her but Olivia stalled mid-sentence unsure of whether to finish. She decided against it and shook her head. "Call me if you get called in, I'll bring him to crèche and come with you"

"Will do"

Liv made her way to the bedroom shedding clothes as she went, feeling as if they were weighing her down.

In the shower she let the steam envelop her and inhaled deeply. She smiled as she smelt a scent that was not usually mixed into the steam. It was a tropical body wash Amanda used. Her body tingled at the thought of Amanda, wishing she could just forget the day ahead and climb into bed with the beautiful woman in her living room, and take her. Learn about every inch of her skin, what she liked, what she didn't, what made her shiver, what made her scream. Olivia bit her lip as she tried to move her thoughts to something less arousing, but not even thinking about her taxes managed to stop the tingling in her lower stomach and an ache that was starting to make its presence known between her legs.

She pressed a finger to her clit. It had been a long time since she'd masturbated but she knew she had to do something or the frustration would kill her. She circled her clit repeatedly knowing her body well enough to know this would make her wet fast. When she felt the ache become stronger she moved her fingers lower, entering herself with one to check how wet she was. She groaned as she realised she could easily slip two fingers, possibly three in the river of wetness that had built up. She used two and rested her head against the tiled wall as she brought her other hand to her clit, working both at a rapid rate, desperate for the release the orgasm would offer.

She bit her slip and tried to contain the scream that was rising as she crested, she was so close, a few strokes of her clit and she came hard, her walls clenching around her fingers buried deep inside her. She panted as she tried to get her breathing back to normal. It took a few minutes and another all over wash for her to feel ready to get out of the shower. Wrapping herself in a towel she padded into the bedroom, not really in a hurry to dry off, or dress, just wanting to sit for a bit and enjoy the afterglow of the orgasm she'd just had.

She chided herself for being like a hormonal teenager but she couldn't help the feelings the blonde had awoken in her. And she wasn't going to deny herself release. She realised she needed to feel everything that was happening right now. She couldn't compartmentalise her feelings for Amanda and that scared her slightly. But it also excited her.

She heard the door creak open Amanda barely sticking her head in the door to check she'd obeyed orders and gone to bed.

"I'm going now – promise"

"You better"  
Olivia beckoned her to come in with her hand and Amanda walked to the bed standing between Olivia's spread legs leaning down to kiss her. She lingered a while, sucking at the brunette's tongue and placing open mouthed kisses on her neck and across her bare shoulders. As she pulled back she noticed that Olivia's pupils were dilated and her nipples were hard against.

"You look like you're ready to explode Liv"

Olivia blushed as she admitted quietly "Post explosion actually. I took care of it in the shower"

Amanda swatted her shoulder with her hand and laughed gathering the taller woman into a hug. "Horny much Seargent?"  
"You have no idea" Olivia husked into her ear.

Amanda shivered as she stood up out of the embrace.

"Oh you're gona pay for this Benson"  
"Promise?" Olivia asked suggestively

Leaning back in Amanda pushed the towel from Olivia's body, taking her breasts into her hands and squeezing them flicking her thumbs over her painfully erect nipples. She kissed her not bothering with decorum as she pushed her tongue past Olivia's lips, kissing her sloppily as the brunette moaned into her open mouth.  
Pulling back to stand up straight again she heard a small keen from the naked woman on the bed as she reached for the locker and threw her baseball jersey she slept in at her.

"Promise" she winked as she turned and walked out of the room. "Now go to sleep". Amanda closed the door and Olivia sat open mouthed for a few moments unsure of how exactly she was meant to sleep after that and cursing herself for admitting her lack of control to the blonde. She knew she'd pay for it big time.

She pulled the jersey over her head and turned onto her side, curling into the position she normally slept in hoping sheer exhaustion would eventually consume her. It did.

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**A/N Thank You and Danke Schön for all your lovely feedback, it's much appreciated. I'm still not sure how we're going to get Amanda to Florida to meet Louis/Mikey but I'm working on it. As always all reviews and suggestions are very welcome x**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: There are some mentions of rape in this chapter, which is sort of inevitable given the show, but just a warning! Thanks for all the follows and reviews, your input is always welcome! **

Amanda woke up with a pain in her neck. The first thing she saw when her vision adjusted was a small pair of brown eyes staring at her. Noah was watching her intently waving a teddy in one arm and a rattle in the other. He couldn't decide which to throw to get her attention. Amanda smiled as she stood and reached into the playpen checking the time as she did. Her watch told her it was time for a late lunch so she decided to make lunch for all 3 of them. Checking her cell phone she saw a text from Fin saying Murphy had called him in an hour ago so she could expect the same in an hour or so as work was starting to pile up. They had a new case and Homicide had taken over half their squad room for the James case, "too lazy" in Fin's words to move the evidence that had been collected to their own department.

She found rice cakes for Noah and toasted bagels for Olivia and herself. Pouring some Orange Juice she debated on whether to wake her up or not. But she knew the hunger would wake her up long before a call for work would. Balancing Noah on her hip and a tray containing lunch in her hand she used her elbow to open the bedroom door.

She stopped for a second to look at Olivia, totally unguarded in sleep, her eyes closed, one hand resting on her stomach the other by her side. She looked so relaxed Amanda almost reconsidered waking her. Noah made the decision for her however letting out a loud squeal as he dropped the rice cake he was eating.

Olivia stirred in bed and Amanda moved to towards her putting the tray on the bed so she could see and smell her apology for waking her.

"Hey", Olivia sat up and smiled a relaxed smile; the sleep had obviously done her good.

"Hey. Sorry we woke you. I got a text from Fin a few minutes back. He said Homicide have taken over the squad room and Murphy is keen to get us all in to make it look like we actually work there"

Olivia grunted as she pulled herself up fully in the bed, smiling as she saw the food on the bed beside her.

"Best I could do for lunch"

"It's great thanks"

Olivia picked up a piece of bagel and began to eat.

Placing Noah on the bed between them Amanda did the same.

"I was thinking about Mikey…" Amanda hesitated and Olivia didn't hurry her. She wasn't sure where Amanda was with processing what was happening so she knew right now she just needed to let her talk.

"I need to e-mail him, and I know I said I could do it alone, but could you… no it's ok I can't, this is my stuff"  
Olivia reached out to rub Amanda's knee but her hand was intercepted by her son who grabbed her finger to chew on.

Amanda smiled as she rubbed his back gently.

"I'll work it out Liv, it's ok"

They sat finishing their late lunch for another twenty minutes before their phones rang within 5 minutes of each other with calls that they were needed. After they each dressed they rummaged for some clothes to put Noah in. It took longer to dress the little boy and get him ready to leave than it did to dress themselves.

Finally ready to leave they stopped at the door to exchange a brief kiss. The break was reluctant, as they both knew it would be some time before they could touch each other again.

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Amanda and Fin went to interview a second suspect in the case of Danny Ryan, the young man Murphy and Fin had brought in the day before.

Knocking on the door Fin identified them as NYPD. It took another loud bang on the door for it to be answered.

A dishevelled young man reeking of alcohol and pot stood before them. He looked first at Fin and then turned his attention to Amanda.

"I'll take whatever you're selling sexy"

"I'm selling you a couple of days in lock up for possession if you don't let us in" Fin answered

The young man stood aside to let them in.

"Hey man I was joking ok?"  
They both ignored the feeble attempt at redemption. They'd heard them all before – "I didn't mean to", "It was just a laugh", "We were all doing it" – none of them meant anything to the detectives anymore.

Amanda took over the questioning, Fin was already at a disadvantage having threatened the young man. Fin and Amanda had their partnership worked to a tee, they knew when one would stop and the other would take over.

"We're here to talk about Danny. He says he remembers you being the one who handed him the only drink he had all night when he arrived Shane"  
"Total lies. That assh… He drank at least 4 shots and 4 beers"  
"He had bloods done at the hospital Shane, so think hard about how you answer"

Shane sat down on the desk chair and hesitated before he spoke again.

"Maybe it was 2 shots, I don't know I wasn't babysitting him"  
"That you certainly weren't. When is the last time you remember seeing Danny?"  
"I don't know, like I said I wasn't babysitting him"  
"Think hard Shane"  
"I… he was in the hall with some girl, I don't know her name, Asha something or other, I think. That was the last time I saw him"

"Shane, you know if you're lying to us we're going to find out right?"  
"I'm not" The young man was looking down at his sneakers, ignoring Amanda.

"Don't go anywhere we can't find you Shane" Fin piped up. "And I've taken your pot – word to the wise don't leave it in plain sight where the cops can find it"

The young man remained seated starting at his shoes as they left.

"Guys lying through his teeth"  
"I know but we don't have enough on him yet. Shane says he remembers three guys; he's sure of one but the second and third are blurry. They drugged him. The bloods show that"  
"Kid had enough pot there to be supplying, what's the betting he has the heavier stuff hidden?"  
"I know big man, I know. But we need that thing Barba loves; proof"  
Fin just grunted as he walked ahead of her out into the main square to get some fresh air. Turning to look back at her as if he'd just had a thought he asked where the records office was. Amanda pointed to the old building in front of them.

"You know anyone in there?"  
"Anyone we can bribe for information you mean?"  
"Bribe, sweet talk, coax, call it what you want, do you?"  
"No. But I'm sure if you turn on the charm we could give it a good go"

Fin shoved the blonde playfully, almost causing her to trip and catching her just in time.

"You're a lucky man Tutuola, these are new jeans, you would have been paying for dry cleaning"

"Do you not have a laundry room in that apartment block of yours? You could come use mine but I'm not sure it works, it's been a while"

Amanda smiled as she tried to remember the last time she'd actually spent a night at her apartment.

"What was that?"  
"What?" Amanda replied defensively.

"That smile. I haven't seen that smile since we nailed that piece of work in Queens for killing that young girl"  
Amanda did it again and Fin laughed as they reached the records office

"Ooh, girl got secrets. Time for some tequila shots and a long overdue partners night out"  
"You're on partner"

"You on call tonight?"  
Amanda began to shake her head no and then tried to think if Olivia was and whether she needed someone to mind Noah"

"Can I get back to you?"  
"Sure. But just so you know I'll get it out of you"

Amanda didn't doubt him for a second.

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Amanda and Fin managed to find Asha Quinn and speak to her about the last time she saw Danny at the party. She recalled speaking to him in the hall as Shane had said but she left ten minutes later not feeling well. She recalled getting home and passing out. Her roommate had told her she was out for at least sixteen hours because she came to wake her for a class they had at 2 p.m. and couldn't get her out of bed. Asha maintained she usually only slept for 8 hours maximum.

Amanda asked her to go and get some bloods done at the hospital in case she had been drugged too. They were waiting on the results so Amanda returned to work the Archer case with Olivia.

Amaro had reappeared from Homicide so he could easily have gone back to working it but Amanda needed to spend an hour in Olivia's company so she made some excuse to Nick about having to run through a statement she'd taken which in reality didn't exist.

They commandeered the soft room with a laptop and a whiteboard to work on.

Behind the whiteboard that Olivia wheeled in they took a moment to say hello. It was a hug that they both needed. Running her fingers down Amanda's back and kneading the tension she felt there Olivia felt the blonde sigh against her neck.

"Long day?" she asked quietly against her hair.

"Uh-huh"

"Want to talk about it?"  
"No, I just want to do this for a bit"

Olivia kissed the top of her head and continued to massage her back.

Amanda eventually decided two detective standing close together behind a whiteboard was going to become suspect after a few minutes so she kissed Olivia softly before turning to the board and pinning the information they had on the side they were standing beside before turning it around so they at least looked like they'd been doing something behind it to any curious eyes.

They went through the details of Mindy Archer's assault again. She had been walking home with a friend. They parted at the corner and as she walked the final five hundred yards to her apartment she was jumped from behind by an assailant who pulled her into an alley, tied her up and raped her.

She had showered after managing to cut her ties on a metal gate nearby because she told Nick and Olivia she felt like she'd scratch her skin off if she didn't. It was understandable but frustrating for the detectives as it left them little to go on.

They looked into Mindy's background and didn't find so much as a parking ticket. She had never been in trouble with the law and had never reported any kind of incident either.

An hour later Olivia sat looking at her social media sites for the fifth time and ran her fingers through her hair groaning in frustration.

Amanda was oddly aroused by the sight but shook herself out of it to return her concentration to the victim's statement.

Injuries were all consistent with an assault having taken place. She had cuts to her wrists from the binding and bruising to her abdomen, back and thighs as well as penetrative trauma but he had used a condom.

"I don't know how we're going to do this Liv. We have nothing. It's like this guy appeared out of nowhere. There's not much cover around that street, she said he came from behind her, but there's no alleys along there, she would have had to walk by him but she doesn't remember anyone.

The two women did another walk through of the scene laying out all the possibilities for where the attacker could have come from.

An hour and two cups of coffee later they were both no further and agreed the best thing to do was walk away from it for the evening and come to it with fresh eyes the next day.

"I have a pile of paperwork to catch up on. I might be here for a few hours"  
Olivia nodded. I'm going to talk to Nick, catch him up and see what's happening with the James case. Will I see you later?"  
Amanda hesitated for a moment and Olivia caught it.

"You don't have to. You're probably sick of the sight of us at this stage. Go home, you probably need some space of your own. It's ok"

Amanda took Olivia's hand and pulled her back into the soft room and back behind the whiteboard.

Kissing her hard she looked straight into hurt hazel eyes "Stop second guessing me Seargent. I am not sick of you, it takes a lot for me to get sick of a beautiful woman who strips for me"

Olivia blushed and Amanda kissed her again purely based on the sheer cuteness of Seargent Olivia Benson being embarrassed enough to blush.

"I am going to finish my paperwork and the my partner, in the work sense of the word, wants to take me out for a few rounds of tequila. Scouts honour I will see you, although I may see two of you for the first hour or so. That's if you want to see me and aren't sick of the sight of me?"  
Olivia smiled "Never"

"Good, I'll see you later" A brief kiss and Amanda was gone. Olivia chided herself for being so insecure but she couldn't help it. She had to keep pinching herself to make sure this was happening. Thankfully Amanda understood the insecurity and was well able to deal with it.

Olivia headed to find Nick giving a brief look in the direction of Amanda's desk. She was instead standing at Fin's informing him she was on for drinks that night. She had a feeling she was going to need them to deal with the rest of Danny Ryan's case. Plus she hadn't been out with Fin in months and she missed the chats they had. People who didn't know Fin saw him as a hard-man with an attitude but who was a good cop. Those who knew him knew that hidden beneath the hard-man exterior was a heart of gold. He'd helped Amanda out of a hole on more than one occasion and she felt she could talk to him about anything… well almost anything.

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It took her three attempts to open the door to Olivia's apartment and when she did it took her another few attempts to get the key out of the door. She was determined not to wake Noah come hell or high water.

Her night with Fin had been full of laughter and a few quiet moments as they tried not to talk too much about work but it inevitably filtered in. At some stage the tequila had thankfully turned into beer because Amanda wasn't sure she could take much more hard liquor. She was used to a glass or two of wine and couldn't keep up with her partner when he drank. She used to drink some of the guys in Atlanta under the table but those days were gone. The cold air had sobered her up somewhat as she left the bar. Now apart from a slight wobble she wasn't feeling drunk although she knew the hangover in the morning was going to hit her like a brick.

She divested herself of her coat and boots at the door. Undressing in the living room she made her way to the bedroom in just a bra and panties.

Looking towards the crib she saw a small figure asleep; moving around but definitely fast asleep.

Slipping into bed behind Olivia she curled herself into the brunette's back revelling in the heat her body was emitting.

Olivia sighed as she woke and her body registered the other body pressed against her.

"Rollins that better be you otherwise my gun is about five feet away"

Amanda chuckled as she placed a kiss to Olivia's neck.

"It's me, sorry I didn't mean to wake you"  
"You're freezing, it wasn't likely"  
"Yeah it's cold out there, sorry. Go back to sleep"

"Mmm, just let me say goodnight first"

Olivia turned over so she was facing the blonde, kissing first her forehead, then down to her cheek, down to her neck, which she sucked on for a moment before finding her lips.

Amanda whimpered into her mouth as she felt Olivia's hand on her lower back where it had been earlier in the day, kneading the last of the tension from it. Feeling Olivia begin to suck on her tongue Amanda decided she needed to touch Olivia, anywhere on her body; she just needed to feel skin. Slipping her hand under Olivia's t-shirt she ran her hand up and down her ribs causing the other woman to shiver because of the coolness of Amanda's palm but also from the arousal that was building.

Olivia pushed Amanda's shoulder so she rolled onto her back but the blonde rolled them back.

"I want you right beside me. I want to be able to touch every bit of you"

Olivia didn't argue simply reached around to undo the clasp on Amanda's bra. It was discarded along with her panties somewhere on the floor.

Olivia dipped her head to take an already hard nipple in her mouth. Amanda's hands went straight to her hair encouraging her. She remained there paying attention to each hardened bud for a few minutes. Amanda keened when she removed her mouth but found it swallowed a few seconds later when Olivia's lips were back on hers, kissing her forcefully, ensuring she knew that tonight she was in charge, but not in a way that scared her. She trusted Olivia Benson with her life.

Reaching under the hem of Olivia's t-shirt Amanda pulled it up and over her head smiling when she saw Olivia had no bra on. Her attention was immediately drawn to those breasts. They were heavenly and Amanda loved touching them and sucking them. She didn't get enough of a chance so when she did she grabbed it with both hands, literally. Lifting both breasts slightly she massaged them, flicking Olivia's nipples making her moan, biting her lip slightly to ensure she didn't wake Noah.

Amanda raked her teeth over each hardened nipple before sucking on them to ease the sting. "You are so fucking sexy," she murmured somewhere into Olivia's chest.

Olivia laughed quietly as she encouraged the other woman back up so she could kiss her again.

"You are sexier, in so many ways I cant even count. And I want to show you if you'll let me"

She started into blue eyes full of lust and held her breath waiting for permission to touch the woman she'd been dreaming about for weeks.

Amanda smiled and took Olivia's hand guiding it to her centre "Always"

Olivia held eye contact as she moved closer allowing her to touch Amanda from a better angle. She felt the wetness as her fingertips began to tease Amanda's outer lips and she was shocked the blonde was so wet. Amanda saw it in her eyes and grinned whispering into her ear "I've been imagining you fucking me all night"

Olivia exhaled a quiet "fuck" as she ran some of the gathering wetness up and around Amanda's clitoral hood, causing her to shift slightly, opening her legs and pressing herself harder against Olivia's hand.

"Easy baby, I'll get you there I promise". Of that Amanda had no doubt.

Olivia took her soaked index figure and pressed a few strong strokes on Amanda's now hard clit.

Taking her middle and index finger she moved inwards to stroke the blonde's inner lips, firm fast strokes building up the flow of wetness. When she moved the two fingers down Amanda's opening she looked again for persimmon but Amanda's eyes were closed concentrating hard on not coming before Olivia was inside her.

"Open your eyes baby"

It was a real effort on Amanda's part to do this but when she did she knew why, saw the question in those eyes, and her heart swelled with a strong rush of something that felt awfully like love.

A quiet "yes" was all Olivia needed as she entered Amanda with her index and middle finger, burying herself deep in the warm wetness. Amanda felt so good and Olivia wanted to give her the pleasure she deserved.

"Tell me what you want"  
Amanda laughed but it ended in a moan as Olivia began to move her fingers.

"This just this"

Olivia nodded as she continued to move her fingers slowly scissoring them inside Amanda to cause her to feel full. The blonde felt as if her lover was everywhere and it made her feel wonderful.

She moaned deeply when she felt Olivia remove her fingers but they returned quickly as Olivia built up a rapid pace.

"Stay… there" Amanda's breath was coming in pants; it was hard to concentrate on anything but the feeling of Olivia fucking her. But she needed some consistent pressure to get her off.  
"There baby?" Olivia asked

Amanda nodded as Olivia stroked her moving only slightly. She reached down to stroke her clit as Olivia remained inside her. She was so close and she knew what it was going to take to tip her over the edge "Kiss me Liv please"

Olivia was more than happy to comply moving up slightly so she could reach the blonde's lips. Amanda opened her mouth to welcome Olivia's tongue in, the kisses were sloppy and open mouthed as Amanda continued to try and breathe through the orgasm that began to hit her full force.

She shrieked slightly and then moaned into Olivia's mouth as she felt her walls spasm around the strong fingers inside her. She continued to stroke her clit in hard vertical strokes eventually pressing her index finger to it and keeping it there as she rode out the last of the orgasm.

She felt empty when Olivia removed her fingers but she was immediately wrapped in strong warm arms feeling soft lips on hers and the emptiness was gone.

"Wow"

"Wow yourself"

They lay there for a while stroking exposed skin, exchanging soft kisses and generally soaking up the feelings that that nights explorations had aroused.

"Thank You" Olivia's voice was so quiet Amanda's almost didn't hear it.

"I think that's meant to go the other way around" Amanda kissed her neck.

"No I mean it thank you"

"For what?"

"Trusting me to let me touch you. Not giving up on me today when I had a minor episode. Allowing me in"  
Amanda moved a few inches so she could shift their position so the brunette was laying against her chest kissing her as she did.  
"I've never trusted anyone the way I trust you Olivia Benson. We're all entitled to minor episodes, hell you've seen enough of mine. And you are always allowed in. be warned sometimes I don't like letting people in, but I will if I'm given some time"

Olivia nodded against her chest as she listened to Amanda's heartbeat. It soothed her as she began to fall asleep.

"Goodnight beautiful" Amanda said as she felt Olivia's breath slow on her chest.

"Night Manda" Olivia nodded off just as she said the words.

Amanda looked over at the crib amazed Noah had managed to sleep through that but eternally grateful he had.

She laid her head back and felt the still tingling parts of her body relax as she was lulled into a sound sleep.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**A/N I want to work a bit more on the Danny Ryan case but Amanda's attempts to contact her son and the challenges it presents her with are going to feature a lot in the next few chapters as well. **


End file.
